I know you're all probably sick of hearing me talk about being sad, so today I thought I'd share something enlightening with you all. Lately I've been gong through a tough time...the first few months of deployment are always the hardest because you're trying to cope with the reality of the situation all the while you're trying to be strong and support your husband with a smile on your face. It's not an easy task, and I'm not perfect...very far from it in fact!
So needless to say, I have my moments of weakness. Moments when I am just angry or depressed and I feel like giving up. I haven't heard from my husband all week, and all my emails have been returned saying that they failed to be delivered...which means that most likely comms are down on my husbands ship for some reason. Not hearing from him always makes it that much harder for me to get through the day because I am constantly worrying about his safety and to be honest, I just plain miss him. With that being said, I've been having a pity party for myself since the weekend and last night my mom called me because she was worried about me.
After talking for over an hour I realized how much my family means to me, and how much I miss them. I really wish I would have been able to go home and stay with them for this deployment. I think having their support and spending time with my mom, sisters and nieces would be a big help in making the time go by...plus no one knows me like my family does. I feel the most like myself when I am with them.
After getting off the phone with my mom I laid in bed and said a prayer. I asked God to help me because although I hate to admit it, lately I have felt like giving up. I've felt like running away from all of my problems instead of facing them head on, because its just too much to bear. So I asked for help...I cried out to my heavenly father and just asked for some strength. Most the time I feel like God doesn't even hear my prayers, but today I realized he makes himself known in the least likely of places...
I was at work when an older couple (probably in their late 50's) came in and asked for a cashier's check. They explained to me that they were from New York and their car didn't make it all the way down to Virginia. When I asked them what they were buying, they said a Subaru Forester. I smiled and explained to them that my husband loves Subarus and that he has an Impreza WRX.
We started chit chatting and they mentioned that he had been in the navy for 30 years! I told them a little about us and our experience with the military so far. I mentioned that it had been pretty hard for us and that I didn't know whether I could take any more than four years of this lifestyle. They were so kind and encouraged me to keep hanging on. They assured me that it does get better and that there are a lot of benefits from serving in the military. Once I had finished helping them, they smiled and thanked me for my husband's service. ♥ The looks on their faces made me realize they meant it, and they knew what I was going through because they had been there and done that. And as they stood there smiling, a thought crossed my mind.
I can't help but think that couple was meant to come in and speak to me today. As I look back and see their kind, smiling faces I see the face of my heavenly father, making himself known to me. I feel like this was his way of telling me that he hears my prayers, and that I CAN get through all of this. He used that couple in his own beautiful way to give me hope and encouragement when I needed it the most. And once I realized that, I felt pretty darn special. So when you feel like giving up, or you feel like there's no hope...just remember to have a little faith. You never know who God will put in your life to show you the way....