Friday, June 24, 2011

Happy days are here again

Happy Friday my lovelies! Today nothing can rain on my parade because I am having a fabulous day...I got off work early and am feeling a lot better than I have been the past week. :-)

Tonight I am going out with my friend Sarah to get some grub and watch "Bad Teacher." In a few hours I'll be enjoying a margarita somewhere and loving life. 
 I hope everyone has a fun and relaxing Friday night! ♥


Thursday, June 23, 2011


Time is something you can't see, but you can definitely feel it. 

This week marks three months since my husband and I said, "Be seeing you," and kissed each other for the last time in a long time. I can certainly feel the heart ache of missing my husband but I'm encouraged by how quickly the days are passing. 

Although I still have my break downs and days when I feel like the world is crashing in all around me, just hearing his voice or reading a sweet email or fb post from my hubby can make my day so much brighter.

I realize now more than ever how lucky I am to have found a love other's spend a lifetime searching for. I've found my other half and I plan on holding onto the love we share. ♥ 

No matter how hard the navy makes our lives, he always tells me this is just a stepping stone and we have to take it one day at a time. 

So that's what I'm gonna do...just keep going. Just keep getting up out of bed everyday and breathing in and out. 

Keep smiling, keep trying and keep loving the wonderful husband God blessed me with...because at the end of the day if we don't have each other what do we have?
I'll love you forever Isaiah Taylor! You're my everything. ♥


Wednesday, June 22, 2011

This love is a sure thing

Since the first time I heard this song it has made me think of my husband and I. We're a team and no matter what life throws our way we are still in love and just trying to lean on each other, even when we're oceans apart. ♥
If you be the cash
I'll be the rubberband
You be the match
Imma be your fuse
Painter baby you
Could be the muse
I'm the reporter baby
You could be the news
Cause your the cigarette
And I'm the smoker
We raise a bet...
Cause you're tha joker
Truth tho...
You are the chalk
And I could be the blackboard
And you can be the talk
And I could be the walk

Even when the sky comes falling
Even when the sun don't shine
I got faith in you and I
So put your pretty little hand in mine
Even when we're down to the wire babe
Even when it's do or die
We can do it baby simple and plain

Cause This Love Is a Sure Thing

You could be the lover
I'll be the fighter babe
If I'm the blunt
You could be the lighter babe
Fire it up!
Writer babe
You could be the quote
If I'm the lyric baby
You could be the note
Record that!
Saint, I'm a sinner
Prize, I'm a winner
And it's you
What can I do to deserve that
Paper baby
I'll be the pen
Say that I'm the one
Cause you are ten
real and not pretend!

Even when the sky comes fallin
Even when the sun don't shine
I got faith in you and I
So put your pretty lil hand in mine
Even when were down to the wire babe
Even when it's do or die
We can do it babe simple and plain
Cause this love is a sure thing

This song goes out to my husband Isaiah...cause even when the sky comes fallin', even when the sun don't shine...I got faith in you and I. ♥ 

Now go link up over at Goodnight Moon and share the song that moves you this week. :)


All Dressed Up: She got it from her mama

Today's all dressed up is a little late, but as I always say, "better late than never." ;) Today's outfit was given to me by my fabulous mama who actually has pretty good taste when it comes to picking out clothes I like. (This wasn't the case when I was a kid, but now that I'm older she seems to do a lot better. Sorry mom, it's true!) lol. Anyway I fell in love with this Candie's dress the moment I opened the box and I couldn't wait to wear it to work. I got a ton of compliments all day and I felt oh so pretty! ♥ Thanks Mom for having such good taste...I love it!!♥ Here are a few photos. 
 Have I mentioned how much I love my tiny photo app for my android? Editing pictures is so much fun! ♥
Here's a better view of the whole thing. I love the length and the little sash across the waist. :)
Over all I am in love with this dress, and I can't wait to wear it again! ♥ What are you wearing this week? Head over to Lady's blog and link up with your sassy outfit this week. Everyone who's anyone is doing it! ;)


Monday, June 20, 2011

I've been thinking...

I don't know why, but lately I have just been completely exhausted. I've been so busy with work, trying to make time to email and talk to my husband and just trying to keep the house clean that I feel like I'm on overload. Between paying bills, grocery shopping and cleaning my house, I haven't had much time for fun or blogging. So I do apologize to all my readers for being m.i.a. over the last month or so. It really does make me sad because I love blogging and I feel bad for letting all of this keep me from doing something I adore.

Next week we will be entering the three month mark of my husband's deployment and sadly we still don't have a homecoming date. That makes it extremely difficult to cope with him being gone. I really just wish we would find out when they are coming home so I can mentally prepare and know how long I have to endure this evil thing. :( I'll admit I have been trying to stay positive but am not having much success. I don't know why I am having such a hard time lately, but my anger issues seem to be rearing up again. Perhaps I need to invest in a punching bag or join a kickboxing class so I can get my frustration out in a healthy way. At least it's something to think about! ;)

Lately I find myself getting so mad that I want to punch people, especially my husband! I don't know why my anger about this deployment manifests itself towards him, but I can't help but find myself easily irritated and annoyed when talking to him. I know it is not his fault for being gone, but I can't help but feel abandoned by him. Our two year anniversary is coming up in August and it breaks my heart that I have spent nearly the entire two years of our marriage alone. Most of the time I don't even feel like I am married at all. I know it is not my husband's fault that he is gone and that if he could choose to stay home and be with me he would, but for some reason I'm still hurting. My head knows that's true but my heart is having a hard time comprehending it.

Lately I find myself pushing him away in hopes that it will make it easier for me to cope. I feel like sometimes he does the same thing too. I don't know how to stay close to him while he's gone without missing him so much that my heart is always hurting. It sounds crazy, and maybe I am going a little crazy with everything going on lately but I am praying I can find a way to make things better. I love my husband so much and the last thing I want to do is push him into someone else's arms. This lifestyle is incredibly lonely at times and can really put things into perspective as far as what's really important in your life. It has made me realize how important family and friends have been in supporting me through everything the navy has put us through over the last two years.

It's definitely been a long, hard and interesting journey, and has made me grow as a person...but I feel like I still have a lot of growing to do. I have also been thinking a lot about the future, since I have so much "alone" time to think about anything and everything under the sun. My job environment has sadly not gotten any better. In short, I am miserable there. It's creatively stifling, boring and just a horrible environment altogether. Nothing we do is ever good enough and I am not the only person who is miserable, pretty much everyone has expressed the same feelings. I have realized things are not going to get any better. So I have a tough choice to make. I have been searching for part time jobs so I can move on to something less stressful and more "part time."

College has been put on the back burner for me the last two years due to my husband's career. The timing of him joining boot camp and when we were supposed to move to va last year prevented me from enrolling in the spring of 2010. Then when my husband was deployed immediately after a-school last year, our move was put on hold until right before his return in August. With us moving, getting settled in and just starting out as a married couple things weren't exactly easy financially and I had to start working at the bank. What started out as part time has now become full time and left me feeling cheated of the opportunity to continue pursuing my education. 

Unlike some people I actually enjoy school, and it is my dream to finish college and become a history teacher. Experiencing all this heartache with the navy the last two years has made me realize that I MUST finish my education if we ever want to make it without the navy and if I ever want my husband to be around. Some people love this lifestyle, and although there are some perks that come along with it, I think there are alot more downfalls. 

I want the opportunity to spend holidays, birthdays and anniversaries with my husband. I want the opportunity to actually be able to work on our marriage. I don't know how to keep it alive from thousands of miles away, and I am running out of ideas and patience. In short, I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. I am miserable, and I don't want to be. So today I am getting my butt in gear and going to the fleet and family support center to search for a new job and update my resume. Something has got to change in my life, and quickly before I lose my mind. I am the only one that can make that happen, so I am taking things into my own hands. Please say a prayer for me, I really need it! 

"You can't leave everything to fate...She's got a lot to do, sometimes you must give her a hand." 

Anyway, I must go throw myself into the world of job searching and making strides to change my unhappiness. Thanks for reading and I'm sorry this post ended up becoming a novel. I'll try and keep updating regularly so my posts aren't so long winded. :) I hope everyone has a happy Monday!


Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Walk a mile in my shoes

As human beings we are all guilty of judging others, sometimes even if we don't intend to. This deployment has been really hard for me at times, a lot harder than the first one was and recently I've realized it has made me a little jaded. Last year I was still living in California and was able to see my family quite often, I had the support of my best friends back home, and I also had the comfort that comes along with the familiarity of being at home. It was also a lot shorter deployment than this one has turned out to be.

This year my husband was deployed three months ahead of schedule and we were only given two weeks notice. We we're in the middle of preparing to move out of military housing and into an apartment so we could save money, when we learned my husband was scheduled to deploy three days before our moving date. When I found out I was a complete wreck, to say the least. I was frustrated, angry, hurt and mostly scared. Scared of being alone, scared of letting him go again, scared of what another year long separation would do to our marriage...the list goes on and on. But no matter how scared I was, I couldn't stop that day from coming. We kissed goodbye for the last time until who knows when, and tears streamed down my face as I watched him drive away in the duty van.

Once again I was alone, but this time it felt so much more real. This time I was actually all alone. I came home to an empty house, no family or friends to distract me or comfort me and all I could do was cry. I felt like half my heart had been ripped right out of my chest. But there was nothing I could do to bring him home any sooner, so I had no choice but to stop crying and live my life. I had to force myself to get out of bed everyday and to do the simplest things like finish unpacking the house or doing the laundry. The first month was awful and I felt like I was walking around like a love starved husband being gone consumed my thoughts and emotions.

Now it has been nearly three months since he left and we still have no homecoming date information which makes it hard mentally to cope with him being gone, because in reality I have no idea when he will actually be home again. Last time I counted months, weeks, and as it got closer, even the days until my husband was to return. It made it easier knowing when we would be seeing each other again. We don't have that luxury this time around. Although I am still functioning and getting by, it hasn't been easy. I've avoided blogging for the past month because of all the hardships I am going through in my personal life and simply for the fact that I don't want my blog to become a pity party for myself. I know no one wants to read about how miserable I am every day, so I figured that some things are better left unsaid.

Anyway, recently I had a very enlightening conversation with a friend of mine regarding missing our husbands. Her husband has been in the navy for awhile and has already served on three deployments before they were married. Now he is home more often and she has yet to endure a deployment, however her husband does leave frequently for a month or so at a time. While we were talking she expressed to me that she felt like missing someone for a month was the same thing as missing someone who's gone for a year. Of course, me being on the opposite end of the spectrum as a navy wife who has been through every step of my husband's navy career (all the way back from boot camp, to a-school and now our second deployment in two years), I feel very strongly that it's not the same thing.

Yes, I know we all miss our husbands when they leave for a few weeks or a month, but coming from someone who has endured both lengths of separation I would consider a deployment in a whole other category of missing someone. Its not even missing them really, for me it goes so much more beyond that. Its more like the worst heartache you've ever felt. Does that mean I didn't miss my husband when he left on underways for a few weeks? Of course not...I missed him everyday. But the way I feel now, knowing that we will be separated for nearly an entire year hurts so much more. I guess the length of time is the biggest factor for me, because this lifestyle and the experiences I've had as a result of it have changed me as a person.

Maybe my heart is just hard...or maybe I have just come to realize that in the grand scheme of things a month really isn't all that long. If you had asked me if I could be away from my husband for a month a few years ago I would have, thought there was no way in hell. But now that I have gone through so much of my married life alone it really doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I know we are all allowed to have our opinions and to miss our husbands. I am not discrediting that in any way, I am just simply sharing my view on the matter. To me if my husband only had to be gone for a month I would be thanking my lucky stars! I don't think I have it the worst out there, because believe matter how bad you think you have it there is always someone who has it worse. I just think we should be thankful for the blessings we do have and for the time we all have with our husbands, whether it be long or short.

That being said, even though I may not agree with her I can still see her side of the issue and respect her opinion. Although she hasn't been through exactly what I have, she has still endured her fair share of heartache. I guess I just needed to realize that we all go through hardships in our lives, but that every person handles them differently. To one person, kissing their hubby goodbye for a month may seem like the end of the world, where as to someone else it may not be that big of a deal. But no matter how we deal with being away from our loved ones, we all have to go through it sometime or another and to be honest it is never easy. I guess I just needed to be reminded of never really know what someone is going through until you walk a mile in their shoes.


Monday, June 13, 2011

The little things

Sometimes in life it's the little things that can make all the difference. Lately I've been having a hard time dealing with this deployment, and the fact that we still don't have a homecoming date has been making things extra difficult. I've had a few other things going on in my life as well and of course there is always the stress of my job, and worrying about my husband's safety to make things seem like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. 

Luckily this week I've had the chance to talk to my husband a little more and we even got to have our first skype dates during this deployment. You know you're a military spouse when you become absolutely giddy at the fact that you are able to see your husband's face while you video chat through a computer screen. To some people it may seem crazy, but seeing his smile, hearing his voice and being able to talk without having to rush makes all the difference in the world. 

Deployment, like anything in life that isn't so fun can get the best of me at times. There are days when I feel like I am losing my mind, days where I feel like I could just die of loneliness and that I can't endure another day of being without my other half...there are nights when I cry myself to sleep and pray for the strength to get through another day, and it's not always easy but somehow, just seeing my husband's handsome face and hearing his voice reminds me why I am going through all this in the  first place. I love him more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. 

He keeps telling me that this is just a stepping stone in our lives and that it won't last forever. I know he is right, and I know that it will only make our love and our marriage stronger. ♥ I thought I'd share a photo of my handsome hubby from our skype date...
 I can't get over how good he looks! He's been working out a lot and I can definitely tell. I am one lucky girl to have such a foxy husband! ♥


Wednesday, June 8, 2011

All Dressed Up: Summer Flowers

Hello lovelies! Its been forever since I've blogged, and I am so happy to be back! What better way to celebrate my return than to link up for No Model Lady's "All Dressed Up." I'm in love with this dress, it's so summery and comfortable. ♥
What outfits are you loving this summer?