Monday, September 12, 2011

Growing up

Looking back on my life, I remember being a little girl and thinking about all the dreams I wanted to accomplish when I was "grown up." I wanted to go to college, get married when I was 26 and have babies and a career by the time I turned 30. In short, I wanted to "do it all."

Now I'm 24, married and living 2,700 miles away from my friends and family. My life has in no way turned out how I had thought or even hoped and although I am 100% in love with my husband it is hard to come to grips with the reality that dreams don't always come true.

I don't regret marrying my soul mate, but the navy has certainly put both our dreams on hold. I always strove to be the best at what I did, whether it was getting honor roll in school, running varsity for cross country or getting solos in choir, I just wanted my chance to shine. I wanted so much for my mom to notice me and love me that I tried any and every activity to get her attention. And my biggest goal was to go to college and get my degree so I could make my mom and grandparents proud.

The only problem was that I come from a single parent family and had no money to go to a university. My mom had remarried at the time, but he had 3 kids of his own, and two of them were already going to universities on his dime so we didn't exactly have money for me to go. I couldn't qualify for any grants or scholarships so I had no way of paying the ridiculous amounts of money for tuition.

I had great grades in high school but never even took the sat's because I knew I couldn't afford to go. Instead I got a job at 16 and have been working ever since. I enrolled in community college after I graduated and started working full time to try and support myself (which isn't easy to do in ca where everything is insanely expensive!). I always had to put work before school because I needed the money, and here I am six years later and still no degree.

Now it has been nearly two years since I've been able to go to school (mostly because of the navy and their impeccable timing) and I feel like my life is just passing me by. It's like I'm standing still while the whole world keeps moving forward. I've seen so many of my friends from high school graduate college and go on to have successful careers and meanwhile I'm stuck in a job I hate and can't muster the money or energy to go to school and actually finish my degree.

On the other hand, the friends who aren't going to school are having babies by the boat load. (And no I'm NOT exaggerating either). Last year my sister, cousin, and one of my best friends all had a baby. This year my bf from high school had her 2nd baby! And I know about 7 other girls right now who are expecting in the next few months.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly wanting a baby right now because let's face it, my husband and I have spent less than six months together because of him joining the navy and getting deployed back to back. We haven't exactly had any time to be newlyweds or just spend enjoying life before kids. I know everything changes TREMENDOUSLY once you start a family, and we both want time to focus on each other and living life to the fullest, (aka being selfish for a bit longer) before we go down that road.

But if I'm not doing one or the other, then where does that leave me? I feel like I'm stuck in limbo right now...just drifting along through life. Not really taking any chances or making any decisions to make my dreams come true.

I've been thinking about all this a lot lately and just wish I could make the right decision. After toying with the idea of becoming a history teacher I've finally decided it's just not for me. I love history and would like to share the passion I have for it with others, but I simply don't think I could handle being a teacher.

I really want a career I'll love and something I've ALWAYS been interested in is fashion. My dream job would be a visual merchandiser for a retail store or a buyer, but there is that nagging fear of failure in the back of my mind that is keeping me from even trying. It's that little voice whispering, "you'll never make it," that has kept me from even trying all this time.

Not to mention the thousands of dollars of debt that I would accumulate in student loans if I went back to school to get my degree in fashion merchandising. Going to FIDM or The Art Institute just isn't in our budget right now, but my biggest fear is having regrets. I don't want to look back on my life one day and think, "I wish I had pursued that dream!" And I know that if I stay at the job I'm at now I'll end up blowing my brains out sooner or later simply from sheer boredom and lack of creativity!

I just wish there were a simple solution to all this, and that I could snap my fingers and have it "all figured out," but I'm a grown up now, and I know better. Life isn't that easy, it's not that simple. It just isn't...

Sunday, September 11, 2011

10 years

I can't believe it's already been ten years...

I was 14 years old when the terrorist attacks were committed against America and in my first week of high school. I remember waking up that morning and my mom listening to the radio as she got ready for work.

It was all over the news and when she told me, I could hardly believe it. As the day went on and the events unfolded people's lives all over America were changed. Our eyes were opened to the fact that we CAN be hurt, we CAN lose loved ones, and we CAN feel defeated.

As I sat in class that day none of the teachers could muster the courage to go on like nothing had happened. So all we could do was sit there and wait. Wait to find out what was going on, as we watched the news all day...seeing pictures and live feed of smoke billowing from the twin towers after they had been hit.

My heart ached for our country that day, and for weeks and months following the events that took place. Every year since, it has been a very somber feeling on the anniversary of 9/11. Now, ten years later it still gets to me. It's something that I'll remember for the rest of my life, something I don't think I could forget even if I tried.

Now as a military wife, I understand the sacrifice and the meaning even more than I did back then. So today I want to honor the fallen heroes of 9/11 by saying thank you. Thank you for your bravery and your sacrifices. You won't be forgotten.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Fashionista Friday

With Fall right around the corner, I have been day dreaming about all the gorgeous outfits I want to wear this season. Since I am a girly girl down to the bone, I thought I'd create a glamorous and feminine outfit, (with a modern take) that embodies everything I'm adoring right now. 

I call it "Pretty in Paris" because that's where I wish I was this fall!

Pretty In Paris

Wet Seal knit tunic
$20 -
Wet Seal skinny jeans
$40 -
Pearl bracelet
£11 -
Wet Seal teardrop earrings
$7.50 -
Wet Seal heart ring
$5.50 -
Wet Seal feather hair accessory
$6.50 -

 First off, I can't get enough of ankle boots this season. They look great with sweater dresses and skinny jeans, or even with a vintage inspired dress and some textured tights. The possibilities are endless! ♥ And I can't believe Wet Seal has this pair for $20!
Right now I'm also loving the destroyed denim and this perfectly pink tunic sweater. 
 I love the addition of the belt to accentuate the waist and for us tiny girls it makes us look a little more full on top, (if you catch my drift).
  I've also been trying to branch out more when it comes to earrings, (most of the time I just wear my pearls) but lately I've been going for some teardrop earrings. I love the way accessories can transform any outfit and just give it that little something extra. 
One of my favorite new accessories this season would have to be statement headbands, like the one pictured above. With the right hair style this adorable headband has the power to pull the entire outfit together and give it a little extra flair. 
It reminds me of one of my fashion icons, none other than the fabulous Blair from GG. Blair is always rocking sensational headbands, and so can you!
What fashions are inspiring you this week?

Thursday, September 8, 2011


"Another summer day has come and gone away, in Paris and Rome...but I wanna go home. May be surrounded by a million people, I still feel all alone. Just wanna go home, oh I miss you, you know."

It's Thursday lovelies, and you know what that means. Head on over to Goodnight Moon and link up with whatever song moves you this week.
Lately I've been listening to my Michael Buble station on pandora before I go to sleep each night. I can never get tired of his silky smooth voice and sexy smile... ;) This song makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and makes me miss my husband even more than I already do, if that's even possible.

The words seem kind or eerily perfect for our situation right now. He has had the opportunity to visit amazing places and see beautiful things, but all he wants to do is come home to me. And that's all I can dream about. Until we meet again my love, know I'll be seeing you in my dreams each night.

"Another winter day has come and gone away in either Paris and Rome...and I wanna go home, let me go home. And I'm surrounded by a million people, I still feel alone. let me go home, oh I miss you, you know."

"Let me go home...I've had my run, baby I'm done...I gotta go home. Let me go home, it'll all be alright, I'll be home tonight, I'm coming back home."

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Lucky Girl

Remember this post where I said I was dreaming of a certain Coach bag? Well, lets just say that I have THE BEST HUSBAND in the world and he let me get it as a late anniversary present. Eeeeeekk!!
I'm in LOVE!!! Thank you baby!!! ♥

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Lazy (Labor) Day

Yesterday started off really, really bad. I'm not gonna get into details but I was pretty depressed and actually managed to stay in bed until 4:30 in the afternoon. I finally got up, only cause I needed to shower and was starving and then proceeded to eat wendy's for dinner and watch netflix all night. I started to feel a little better, but today I am kicking myself in the butt for not running all my errands and doing my chores yesterday so I could enjoy my day off today.

However, I can say that I really needed a day where I could just lay around and sleep all day. I am always going, going, going, and am usually exhausted. I needed to recharge my batteries and just THINK about a lot of things going on in my life. It was nice to have a day where I could just stay in bed and be comfy. That's usually what I feel like doing every week day, but instead I have to get up early and go to work at a job I hate.

Le sighhhhh...anyway, I am excited for fall and have decided to do a countdown until I go to home to California in December. As of now its a little more than three months away, and I'm praying it goes by fast! I can't wait to see everyone and just enjoy some time with the family and my besties back home. ♥ I hope you all have a Happy Tuesday! Hooray for short weeks! ;)

It's a celebration!

This past weekend my bloggy buddy and real life friend Brittany and I got together to celebrate passing the half way point! It has really helped to have a friend to listen and be there who is going through the same thing and knows exactly how you feel. Thanks so much Britt for listening to me vent and complain and just hanging out and keeping me company on dozens of lonely nights! :) I can't wait for our hubby's to get home so we can all go out for a double date, FINALLY! haha!

Britt has two adorable doggies named Lady Puggle and Roland. Lady just so happens to love me and I think you could say it's a love to last a lifetime. ;) Here's proof!
Isn't she adorable!? :) This weekend we went to Cheesecake Factory in Virginia Beach to celebrate the halfway point and I was so excited we chose to go there. They have one of my favorite drinks called a Georgia Peach and I'm telling you, they are sooooo delicious! ;) If you haven't tried one, get your butt down there and get one...they are seriously that amazing. ♥
We got so much food it was almost absurd, and seeing that it was cheesecake factory we HAD to order dessert. We ordered some yummy nachos and we both got pasta for the main course. I can't remember what mine was called, but it was delicious!
 I ordered the Tiramisu cheesecake for dessert, because if you didn't already know, I'm obsessed with coffee and Tiramisu is my absolute favorite dessert. ♥
Nothing makes me happy like food does, (well except my hubby and family, but you know what I mean) and this feast was perfect for celebrating all the struggles and trials we have overcome in the last six months. I know we still have a long way to go, but with the lord on my side and good friends and family to help me through it, I know I'll survive. :)

Monday, September 5, 2011

Life keeps going

The last few weeks have been so busy I've hardly known what to do with myself. Between the hurricane, working so much and trying to survive this deployment, its been a tad difficult to keep my sanity in tact. With all that excitement we passed the half way mark, and although it still feels like forever until I'll see my hubby again I'm praying the days, weeks, and months pass quickly.

This deployment has really been a tremendous struggle for my husband and I. We have both been missing each other so much and get easily frustrated with this lifestyle and spending two years back to back on deployments and not being able to enjoy any of our newlywed lives together. We just had our two year wedding anniversary last week and I'll admit it was extremely hard facing that day alone.

My hubby was really sweet though and called me the night before (since he is on a different time zone) to wish me a happy anniversary. He also let me get my "upgrade" from my old wedding ring. And I must say, I'm in love!! ♥ It's exactly my vintage style and is soooo beautiful. :) Thank you baby, you are the best and always know how to spoil me!
We ordered him a cruise jacket for him to have and I worked really hard on his anniversary care package. I thought I mailed it too late, but as fate would have it, the package arrived just in time ON our actual anniversary! (It was probably the one and only thing that made me smile that day.) He loved it and enjoyed the cake in a jar I made for him so that made me feel pretty good. (here's a snap shot of his package)
This was probably my favorite thing about this package...decorating is always a lot of fun. ♥
I actually took the time to write out ten things I love most about my husband. I hope he knows I meant every word.

The last few weeks have been a challenge for us and we've had our share of ups and downs. I am really trying my hardest to be a good wife to him and not make this deployment any harder than it has to be. I can't even put into words how challenging it has been for us both, and at this point I am just relying on the lord to help us through it. Without him it just won't be possible. Please say a prayer for us both to be strong and that the lord would strengthen our marriage and allow us to lean on each other instead of fighting or pushing each other away. We could really use the prayers!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Fall In Love

I woke up this morning and went to work like it was any other day, not realizing that TODAY was the first day of September. I have been waiting for what seems like forever for autumn to appear and I am so excited to get to experience the lovely fall weather here in Virginia again this year. ♥ Not only does the end of summer usher in the best season of all, but it also means that this deployment is half way over! I know we still have a long way to go but the cold weather means my hubby will be home before I know it.

Having been raised in southern California nearly my entire life, I never truly experienced all four seasons until this past year. It is somthething that is frightening at times, (i.e. hurricane Irene) but also quite lovely. I'll never forget the bright orange, red, and yellow hues that billowed from our neighborhood trees last year and the amazing cool breezes that made me reach for a cozy sweater and my favorite pair of boots.

The things I love the most about my favorite season would have to be the wonderful Fall Fashion, Fun, and Food. What more could anyone ask for? I can't wait to go shopping and score some stylish new sweaters and some chic little boots like these...

Paired with some black tights, this lovely coach handbag...
and this adorable red cable knit sweater dress and I'd be good to go! 
What are you looking forward to this fall?

Stereo Hearts

 "My hearts a stereo, it beats for you so listen close...hear my thoughts in every note..."

Its Thursday loves, and that means its time for "what's your song?" with Goodnight Moon. Post a song that moves you this week. I can't get this one outta my head. ♥