Thursday, January 27, 2011

Thankful Thursday

Thank goodness its Thursday! This week has already been kicking my butt, between working six days a week and trying to make time to spend with my hubby, I am flat out exhausted!!! I wish I had one of those contraptions that allowed me to be in two places at once like Hermione did in Harry Potter...what was it called? I have no idea but I need one right  about now.

Once I got off work my day got MUCH  better, and I even had a chance to go to the NEX and pick up a little something for my hubby for Valentine's Day. :) Lately work has been consuming my existence, but other than that things have been going much better for me and I am so grateful. My mom sent me another wonderful care package and I LOVED  everything that I got!! ♥ I promise I will post pictures as soon as I get a chance! I have also been trying to be more positive about the upcoming deployment and current work ups. My hubby recently returned from the first of many workups for his 2nd deployment, and being apart for a few weeks was actually very eye opening.

I missed him something fierce, but I also learned that I can and WILL survive on my own while he is gone. I did it once for nearly a year, and I CAN do it again. I kept myself busy with work and hung out with a few friends as much as possible which helped me feel alot better while he was gone. Of course getting mushy emails from him every day helped a lot too, that never fails to make me giddy. ;) We have been doing a lot better the last month and I think I am slowly accepting the reality of our situation and hopefully by the time deployment rolls around, I will be ready and won't fall apart like a bag of bones!One can only hope...

Now I'm off to straighten up my house and get gussied up to go visit my husband at his ship. Duty days are lame, but visiting is always fun and I love being able to see where my hubby spends sooooo much of his time. I hope you're all having a fabulous Thursday...keep hanging on, the weekend is in sight! :)


Thursday, January 20, 2011

Baby Blues

 I think I am at the point in my life where everyone around me seems to be growing up, getting married, and having babies...and no, not in that particular order! lol. For someone who was always a late bloomer I'm starting to feel a little left out. I have three adorable nieces (who are the cutest kids you'll ever meet btw) and a whole slew of my friends have become parents in the last few years (some of them twice already!), along with a few family members and I'm starting to wonder if it will ever happen for us.
 (This is my niece Bella...if this gorgeous baby doesn't make you wanna have kiddos, you're outta your mind!)

My husband isn't even around long enough to knock me up right now, much less raise a baby. I know I shouldn't be sad and I'm sure there are people out there who will say, "Your still young, theres no rush." Easy for you to say...the big 24th birthday is right around the corner and seeing as my husband is going to be gone nearly all the time over the next six months and will then leave for a deployment thats more than half a year long, I don't see becoming a "Mommy" in my future anytime soon.

When I have expressed my feelings to friends and family they all say that I am "too young" blah. blah, blah. But then why was it ok for my sisters and cousin to have babies when they are all younger than me? Everyone was happy about them being pregnant, so why is everyone so against me becoming a mom? I don't know why, but that fact just really bothers me.

I feel like as long as he is on sea duty its going to be impossible for us with him being gone so long, and going through a pregnancy and giving birth alone is not my idea of a good time. I really want him to be there every step of the way to see the baby grow and help me through all the changes, (that is whenever it does happen) but I feel like as long as we are a military family its not in the cards for us.

I see so many of my friends having kids right now and I just wish we were at a place in our lives where that could be us. I know my husband wants kids but he definitely doesn't want them RIGHT now. He has told me that if it were to happen of course he would be thrilled and be so happy, but that he really wants to be around to help me. Its just so frustrating, to want something so badly when you know its not the "right" time, especially when I am not getting any younger.

I'm going to wake up one day and be 30 years old and I would really like to have about 2 kiddos by that time, so I am praying that the Lord can work it all out for us. I want nothing more than to have a family of my own and be a good mother to my children. I want to give them opportunities that I didn't have and to be there for them and love them as much as possible. And of course I want to have babies with the man I love...who wouldn't?

I know I shouldn't be envious of other people, but sometimes it is hard when you see others who are so happy with their little families and seem to have everything going their way. Does anyone else feel this way, or am I just a crazy person? Who knows...I wish I didn't feel the way I did about all this. I wish my longing to have a family would just disappear because I know its not gonna happen anytime soon.

For now, I know its not the "right" time and I am trying to be patient and tell myself that God has a plan and that it will happen for us when we are ready. It seems like I am always waiting for it to be MY turn, so I guess I am just going to have to wait for this as well.

Until next time...


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

All Dressed Up: Coffee Shop Cutie

I've been wanting to join in the fun the last few weeks, but alas the ever so lovely bank I call my work place has been working this poor girl to the bone! I finally had a chance to get all dressed up this weekend for my girls date with Sarah and again on Monday for my coffee date with my good friend Jimmy. Go ahead, take a peak! :)

Heres what I wore Saturday night...I had to look good for my girl crush Natalie Portman since I was going to see "Black Swan." ♥
 Heres a better shot, and since I didn't have anyone to take the photos for me please excuse how crappy they! I had to stand on our bed just to get my whole out fit in the photo.
Pretty Fabulous right? ;) Hahaha...not really. Sweater Dress and Boots from "Styles For Less" (aka the worst place to work ever), Leggings and Hat from "Forever 21," Belt from "Khol's"

Monday I decided to dig through my mountain of clothes in the guest room and find something I hadn't worn in awhile. This is what I came up with. :)
I love how comfy this heart dress is, and with tights and a long sleeve tee my "coffee shop" look is complete. ♥
We ended up having a great time chatting and enjoying some delicious coffee at the cutest little coffee shop, "The Daily Grind." Even though it was pouring rain we didn't let that put a damper on our evening! :)
  Over all I had a fabulous weekend spent with good friends, and I had just as much fun getting "All Dressed Up." ♥ Heart Dress and Black long sleeve tee from "Styles For Less"  Hat from "Forever 21" Belt and tights from "Khol's." If you wanna join in the fun head over to No Model Lady's blog and link up! :)


Sunday, January 16, 2011

Lazy Sunday

Today has been a wonderful lazy Sunday...a day of sleeping in, drinking coffee while eating cinnamon sugar toast and enjoying the company of my real life and  blog friend Sarah from My Life as a Crafty Boatswainsmate's Wife. :) Last night we had a great time shopping and going to dinner at Uno's Chicago Grill. After we picked up a few items from the Victoria's Secret semi annual sale we headed to AMC theaters to watch my girl crush, (Natalie Portman) in "Black Swan."

All I can say was that the movie was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!! There were several graphic scenes but over all the movie was fantastic. The dancing was beautiful and the whole time you are on the edge of your seat wondering what is gonna happen next. The ending was Phenomenal and over all I LOVED the whole thing! No wonder its already been nominated for a slew of awards and 4 Golden Globes. I love how versatile Natalie is when it comes to the roles she chooses. She is easily one of my favorite actresses. ♥

After the movie was over we headed home for bed and today Sarah and I went to "Five Guys" which is apparently a very popular burger joint out here on the East Coast. It was DELICIOUS!! The burgers were great and the fries were to die for. I can't wait to take my hubby there to see for himself. :) Overall Its been a Lovely weekend and its only gonna get better cause I'm off tomorrow for MLK day. I hope you're all enjoying your three day weekend!

Until Next Time...


Saturday, January 15, 2011

So Happy Its Saturday and Black Swan

Thank Goodness this week is finally over! I am so exhausted but I am looking forward to having a girls weekend with my friend Sarah and her pup Lexie. :) 

So now I'm off to clean my filthy house, and get ready for our girls weekend. We are heading to the theater to see "Black Swan" and I couldn't be more excited! I have been dying to see it, so I hope its good! :)
 Also, check out these pics of Natalie Portman, my current girl crush and star of "Black Swan." 

This woman is gorgeous and needless to say I heart her. ♥

I hope everyone is having a happy Saturday and enjoying the three day weekend! ♥ 

Until Next time...


Friday, January 14, 2011

Its Friday and I'm in Love

Thank Goodness its Friday, cause this week has kicked my butt and left me exhausted! Now that I am home from work for the day and free to relax I thought I'd share with you all what I'm in love with this week...

First of all I am loving this tiny leopard coin purse. Every girl needs a coin purse! And this one is super cute and stylish. ♥

I am also experiencing something of a shopping bug, too bad I don't have loads of cash to buy all the goodies my heart desires. ;) Oh well, for now I can get my fix by online shopping (okay I am in LOVE with this dress and it makes my little heart yearn for the spring days ahead when the sun is shining and I can show my legs again without getting frostbite...
A girl can dream right? ;) Until spring I'll just have to keep on wishing. I also want to get another pair of cheapy sunglasses to wear to the beach so I don't mess up my nice coach ones that my hubby bought me. These babies happen to tickle my fancy. ♥
I am going through a decorating phase and have been dying to redo our bedroom. I am in desperate need of a new bed set and some curtains. Our room is nice with our new furniture but it still needs a lil something extra. I want to get lots of comfy pillows and some cute picture frames and it will be complete. Doesn't this bed look dreamy? ;)
I am loving the combination of blue, brown and black at the moment, and I think they go really well together. I would absolutely adore this bedspread with some of these pillows on top.♥
And last but not least I am loving my new Billie Holiday album, "Love Songs," and I've been listening to it as I write this post. :) These are the little things that have kept me smiling this week... Not to mention the sweet emails I've been getting from my hubby all week. I really love that man. ♥

Well Its Friday and this is what I'm in L-O-V-E with this now I'm off to hang out with my lovely neighbors, (no not the crazy ones...! lol) and enjoy some pizza for dinner. Happy Friday my Lovelies!!! ♥


Thursday, January 13, 2011

L-U-C-K-Y-and L-O-V-E-

The last few days of my hubby's leave were nothing short of amazing. We have definitely had some trying times since learning of his 2nd deployment, but I finally feel like we are starting to overcome the barriers we will face during the next year. I was able to take 2 vacation days so we had a three day weekend to spend together before he had to go back to work. It was so lovely to have time to spend together and just enjoy ourselves and the company of friends.

Friday we just hung out and ran some errands, ending the night with dinner at California Pizza Kitchen in towncenter. I ordered linguine in a white sauce with chili flakes and baby clams! It was delicious and I have to say I am proud of myself for being more adventurous with the food I am trying. :) This year I really want to try and give seafood a chance, so what better way than to start with something small like clams? This was my dinner...doesn't it look amazing?
 Then Saturday it was off to the car show at the Virginia Beach Convention Center. We got to see all of the newest models and it was really cool to see some of the really expensive cars. My husband is a car junkie, (I like to call it his obsession) so it was definitely something fun for him to do. Here is a photo of me in a mini cooper, a car I have always loved cause its small and cute like me. ;)
 We met up with some friends and hung out. Then later on we went bowling and we had such a great time! I bowled like garbage the first three games, and then by the fourth game I got 4 spares in a row and a strike! I am a horrible bowler but that game was the best I have ever bowled, and was my first time scoring over 100! :) I couldn't believe it and I actually beat my hubby!!!

Sunday we spent the day cleaning and doing laundry and once that was taken care of we had a nice time relaxing and just spending the day together. My hubby was being extra sweet and I could tell he really didn't wanna leave for his underway. It was very bittersweet because we finally had a wonderful few days together and then we had to say good bye for the next few weeks.

As I drove my hubby to his ship and kissed him good bye, my heart was aching because even though I knew this day would come, it just makes it that much more real that he will be leaving again for deployment before I know it. I know that day will be even harder than this one was, but I have actually been doing ok since he left. I have been working a lot and spending time with Tulip, and I have actually been going to bed early and getting lots of sleep, which helps since I am working six days a week for the rest of this month.

Through all this that is going on in my life right now, I am just trying to remain positive and keep my resolutions to myself and to the Lord that I will not let this get the best of me. Do I miss my husband, and am I sad that he is gone alot? Hell yes...but I know it will make it that much sweeter every time he comes home to me. Every time I kiss his lips after being away for a week, a month, or half a year it feels like the first time...and it feels like home. ♥ Today I was listening to one of my favorite songs, and it just so happens to be the song we shared our first dance to on our wedding day. Now more than ever these words ring true and its funny how fitting this song is for our situation, considering it has been our song since before he was in the navy.

I know I have shared this with you before but these words make me smile every time I hear them...

Do you hear me,
I’m talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I’m trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I’m lucky I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

They don’t know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I’ll wait for you I promise you, I will

I’m lucky I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we’re in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I’m sailing through the sea
To an island where we’ll meet
You’ll hear the music fill the air
I’ll put a flower in your hair

Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you’re all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I’m lucky I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I’m lucky we’re in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Thanks for reading my lovelies and I look forward to sharing the next chapter in our lives with you all. Also to all the women with husbands who deployed recently, (you know who you are) I will be praying for a successful and safe deployment for your hubby's. May God help you all get through these upcoming struggles and may they make your love that much stronger because of it. ♥ 
Until Next time...


Thursday, January 6, 2011

Defying Gravity

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down

I'm through accepting limits 
cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost 
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try Defying gravity 
And you won't bring me down
bring me down ohh ohhh ohhhh

Since its a New Year and all I thought I'd start it out with some of my resolutions for 2011...Heres my list and this song is what inspired me.

1)This year I'm not gonna let the military bring me down. I'm not gonna let the fact that my husband will be gone ruin my happiness and my zest for living. This is my life and I am taking it back. :)
2) I am also going to try and count my blessings instead  of thinking about what I don't have, because the truth is that although my life is far from perfect I am blessed.
3) This year I am going to make the most of the time with my husband while he is still here. I want to be a good wife to him and make him happy. So I am going to try and come up with some new ways to make these last few months together as fun and memorable as I can.
4) I am also going to try and strengthen my relationship with the Lord. I want to be committed to praying more as well as going to church more. I know that I need him in my life to make it through all these trials and bumps along the road.
5) This year I am also going to focus on doing things I love, whether it be going shopping, trying new recipes, watching my favorite tv shows, singing, running, dancing. I want to do the things that have always made me feel good, because as I've gotten older I have let alot of my hobbies go. I need to have some things for myself. :)

So thats my list...this year I'm going to try "Defying Gravity." What are some of your resolutions?


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Wordless Wednesday

Yup thats right...this is the man I married!! He's goofy but I love him so much!! :)
This was taken after opening a bunch of Christmas presents from our He was pretty excited.


Sometimes we need a little reminder...

Have you ever gotten so off track in your life that you wake up one day and wonder, "How did I end up here?" I know I have, and lately I've been getting those feelings a lot. Since news of the "Big D #2" I have had a hard time accepting the facts and that we will pretty much be spending another whole year apart. Does it suck? Hell yes! But I realize a little more each day that with God's help along with the support of friends and family I can and WILL get through the next year of my life. I am tired of feeling down in the dumps and letting satan use these turn of events to crush my faith and break my spirit.

Last night my younger sister called me and gave me a little wake up call from my zombieland I have been living in. I can't hide from the fact that he is leaving again and I have to let it go and make the best of what I've got. Is it going to be the hardest thing I've ever done? Yes, by far...but I've survived it once and I can do it again. I'll admit that lately I've been feeling alone and neglected by my heavenly father but he spoke to me last night through the voice of a family member and kindly reminded me that I am LOVED, BLESSED, and STRONG.  I know that I have retreated from my relationship with him in the past few months simply due to the fact that I am hurting badly, scared and unsure of what the future will hold, but I can not and will not keep living my life this way....because simply put, I'm not living it.

I've been standing around feeling depressed and sorry for myself, feeling angry with God for allowing this to happen again so quickly and feeling frightened about what another deployment will do to myself, my husband and most importantly to our marriage, when what I should have been doing all along was trusting in him to take care of me and get me through this. I know this saying is cliche, "God has a plan" and I'll admit sometimes hearing it even makes me angry, but I know in my heart that its true.

So thank you little sis for reminding me that I am loved and cared for not only by family but by my heavenly father. I am going to try my best to be more proactive in my relationship with God and let him take care of my problems and worries...I know it won't be easy and I know I will stumble more than not, but I am going to try all the same. So I am asking for prayers please, because I need strength and support now more than ever. All I ask is that God gives me serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.