Thursday, January 20, 2011

Baby Blues

 I think I am at the point in my life where everyone around me seems to be growing up, getting married, and having babies...and no, not in that particular order! lol. For someone who was always a late bloomer I'm starting to feel a little left out. I have three adorable nieces (who are the cutest kids you'll ever meet btw) and a whole slew of my friends have become parents in the last few years (some of them twice already!), along with a few family members and I'm starting to wonder if it will ever happen for us.
 (This is my niece Bella...if this gorgeous baby doesn't make you wanna have kiddos, you're outta your mind!)

My husband isn't even around long enough to knock me up right now, much less raise a baby. I know I shouldn't be sad and I'm sure there are people out there who will say, "Your still young, theres no rush." Easy for you to say...the big 24th birthday is right around the corner and seeing as my husband is going to be gone nearly all the time over the next six months and will then leave for a deployment thats more than half a year long, I don't see becoming a "Mommy" in my future anytime soon.

When I have expressed my feelings to friends and family they all say that I am "too young" blah. blah, blah. But then why was it ok for my sisters and cousin to have babies when they are all younger than me? Everyone was happy about them being pregnant, so why is everyone so against me becoming a mom? I don't know why, but that fact just really bothers me.

I feel like as long as he is on sea duty its going to be impossible for us with him being gone so long, and going through a pregnancy and giving birth alone is not my idea of a good time. I really want him to be there every step of the way to see the baby grow and help me through all the changes, (that is whenever it does happen) but I feel like as long as we are a military family its not in the cards for us.

I see so many of my friends having kids right now and I just wish we were at a place in our lives where that could be us. I know my husband wants kids but he definitely doesn't want them RIGHT now. He has told me that if it were to happen of course he would be thrilled and be so happy, but that he really wants to be around to help me. Its just so frustrating, to want something so badly when you know its not the "right" time, especially when I am not getting any younger.

I'm going to wake up one day and be 30 years old and I would really like to have about 2 kiddos by that time, so I am praying that the Lord can work it all out for us. I want nothing more than to have a family of my own and be a good mother to my children. I want to give them opportunities that I didn't have and to be there for them and love them as much as possible. And of course I want to have babies with the man I love...who wouldn't?

I know I shouldn't be envious of other people, but sometimes it is hard when you see others who are so happy with their little families and seem to have everything going their way. Does anyone else feel this way, or am I just a crazy person? Who knows...I wish I didn't feel the way I did about all this. I wish my longing to have a family would just disappear because I know its not gonna happen anytime soon.

For now, I know its not the "right" time and I am trying to be patient and tell myself that God has a plan and that it will happen for us when we are ready. It seems like I am always waiting for it to be MY turn, so I guess I am just going to have to wait for this as well.

Until next time...



  1. I am sure that it will happen at the most amazing time for you. Don't give up :)

  2. I know EXACTLY how you're feeling!!! My husband is still in tech school so obviously RIGHT now is not the time, BUT I still want to have a family of my own...sooner rather than later. :S Your time will come and it will be the perfect time for you.

  3. You already know I'm right there with ya! We discussed it over Uno's!
    We just have to have faith that the good Lord will take care of us when the time is right. :)

  4. I feel a little like a jerk commenting here because I am pregnant but I totally understand where you are coming from.
    It's hard to see "everyone" at the next stage in life and feeling like you are being left behind. And when you are wanting to move forward it seems like everyone you see s either pregnant or has babies. At least it did for me! But you and your hubs have to do what's right for you. And if that's waiting till shore duty then you gotta do what you've gotta do. Well and he sorta needs to be around to help you make a baby.
    For my hubs and I, we knew he would either deploy during my pregnancy or during the 1st year. And it was hard to decide if I could be a single mom or not. But in the end, the decision isn't up to us. All the birth control in the world can't stop you from getting pregnant when you are supposed to.
    You will know when the time is right. It wil be right for you and hubs. And for now, start saving your money cause babies are expensive!!!

  5. I know how you feel. I'm 28 and single! I thought for sure I'd be married and have at least one kid by now. I *still* want that someday, but for now I'm trying to remember to enjoy and appreciate all the wonderful things I have in my life, some of which I couldn't have if I were married or had kids. That doesn't always make it easier but it sometimes helps.

  6. It's silly to say that someone is "too young" or "the timing isn't right". When you guys are ready and it feels right, you'll know. Everyone else will forget their reservations when they see your beautiful baby!! Honestly, the timing is never right to have a baby. You just make it right when you're ready!

    PS-Sorry the link up closed early!! It was set for midnight, but was in the wrong time zone!! Please please try do it next week!

  7. Yeah I pretty much just had a meltdown about this very topic today in fact. Only difference is that I will be 30, yes 30, in JUNE! AHHH!!! Totally thought my life would be different by then, but I also didn't plan on loving a Navy man either. I keep telling myself it will happen when its meant to happen. I will say the same to you, but I know if your feeling the same way I am, that does little to ease the feelings that pop up all the time. Best of luck to you guys!

  8. I know how you feel hunni. Over the past few years i've seen most of my friends get married and have kids and I do have moment when I rethink the way I live my life but I take comfit in the fact that when the timing is right for me I'll have the same things or for my life to go down it's own path. You will be the same way. I promise.

    When I first heard Katy's Perry's song Firework. The line that stuck me the hardest was.
    Maybe the reason why all the doors are closed.So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road.
    That help me on my baby blue days

  9. oh Brittney.

    im so sorry you feel that way. I just wanted to tell you that you are not that young. I mean ya.. Ur fricken young!! But i understand what you are talking about, you almost 24. I think that is the perfect age to have a baby. You say everyone is getting married and having babies, but my dear, you just got married a lil while ago to so at least your not alone. The time will come for you guys, maybe god just has a different plan first. secondly, well i guess all i have to say is Eric.. haha Look what happened when he found out i was pregnant, all hell broke loose!!! But, now that she is here, we are as happy as can be. So when Isaiah says its not the right time. Just look at us. I can tell you that it was for sure not the right time, and we are doing good. Once the baby is here, you cant imagine how it could not be the right time because it just works. When I talked to people while I was pregnant I would tell them, yes we are happy but it isnt really the right time or what we planned and every single person said... hunny, its never the right time. And honestly i believe that. Theres always going to be something and before you know it soo much time has gone by. i dont know if that makes you feel any better. But maybe you can read this to isaiah. If he would be happy if it happened, maybe he should have a baby, it would just make all that time leading down the yellowbrick road he has envisioned that much happier. Trust me. lol im sure he is scared just like Eric was, well actually hes probably holding it in. haha. but what im trying to say is once the baby is here he will wonder what he ever thought made it not the right time.

    i hope everything works out for you soon! I wish you were closer. We could all talk about it. hehe

    <3 love you guys

  10. I was thinking about this post the other day. My husband and I were talking the other day about how it just FEELS right and we want them so bad but we know logically that it's not the right time, he could get deployed, money is a huge issue, plus the feeling that I should do something with my life before creating another. I think we're just really excited for the time when it is right to come and get here already. Frustrating.