I think I am at the point in my life where everyone around me seems to be growing up, getting married, and having babies...and no, not in that particular order! lol. For someone who was always a late bloomer I'm starting to feel a little left out. I have three adorable nieces (who are the cutest kids you'll ever meet btw) and a whole slew of my friends have become parents in the last few years (some of them twice already!), along with a few family members and I'm starting to wonder if it will ever happen for us.
My husband isn't even around long enough to knock me up right now, much less raise a baby. I know I shouldn't be sad and I'm sure there are people out there who will say, "Your still young, theres no rush." Easy for you to say...the big 24th birthday is right around the corner and seeing as my husband is going to be gone nearly all the time over the next six months and will then leave for a deployment thats more than half a year long, I don't see becoming a "Mommy" in my future anytime soon.
When I have expressed my feelings to friends and family they all say that I am "too young" blah. blah, blah. But then why was it ok for my sisters and cousin to have babies when they are all younger than me? Everyone was happy about them being pregnant, so why is everyone so against me becoming a mom? I don't know why, but that fact just really bothers me.
I feel like as long as he is on sea duty its going to be impossible for us with him being gone so long, and going through a pregnancy and giving birth alone is not my idea of a good time. I really want him to be there every step of the way to see the baby grow and help me through all the changes, (that is whenever it does happen) but I feel like as long as we are a military family its not in the cards for us.
I see so many of my friends having kids right now and I just wish we were at a place in our lives where that could be us. I know my husband wants kids but he definitely doesn't want them RIGHT now. He has told me that if it were to happen of course he would be thrilled and be so happy, but that he really wants to be around to help me. Its just so frustrating, to want something so badly when you know its not the "right" time, especially when I am not getting any younger.
I'm going to wake up one day and be 30 years old and I would really like to have about 2 kiddos by that time, so I am praying that the Lord can work it all out for us. I want nothing more than to have a family of my own and be a good mother to my children. I want to give them opportunities that I didn't have and to be there for them and love them as much as possible. And of course I want to have babies with the man I love...who wouldn't?
I know I shouldn't be envious of other people, but sometimes it is hard when you see others who are so happy with their little families and seem to have everything going their way. Does anyone else feel this way, or am I just a crazy person? Who knows...I wish I didn't feel the way I did about all this. I wish my longing to have a family would just disappear because I know its not gonna happen anytime soon.
For now, I know its not the "right" time and I am trying to be patient and tell myself that God has a plan and that it will happen for us when we are ready. It seems like I am always waiting for it to be MY turn, so I guess I am just going to have to wait for this as well.
Until next time...