Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Bah Humbug....

Forgive me if I sound like a scrooge, but this week is dragging and I wish it would hurry up and be over with already. I hate to say it, but I have been in a funk the past few days and I can't seem to shake it. I am stressed about work, life, my marriage, whether to move or not and being here with no support system really gets to me sometimes. Work has been a nightmare, and I can't help but be bummed about spending my first Christmas in my entire life away from my whole family. Also the fact that my hubby has duty on Christmas day has really got me down in the dumps. :( I'm gonna try to visit him on the ship but it just won't be the same as having him here and spending the day together in our home, making an amazing dinner and just enjoying our time together. Of course it isn't bad enough that he'll be deployed next year for Christmas but they have to make him have duty this year too.

Sometimes I really hate this lifestyle... I know that I am blessed that my husband has a steady job when so many others don't but its times like these when it feels like things just keep getting worse and worse that I feel like I can't handle this for much longer. I'm definitely not looking forward to the next 3 years of this bull crap! I just want this week to end so I can put Christmas out of my mind, especially since theres no need to celebrate being alone all day.  I can't wait to enjoy a weekend away from the bank, and hopefully having some time to relax will help me cheer up. Customers have been extra cranky and rude all week and they are getting on my last nerve! They all swear that the whole world is out to get them and the old people are the worst!!! I thought customers in retail were rude, but banking is much worse.

So remember when you are out shopping this week, or banking for that matter... BE NICE! A little kindness goes a long way, and there's no sense in being rude and ugly to someone who is helping you, especially when the situation is out of their control. OK, now that I've gotten all that off my chest, I need some ideas for cheering myself up...were pretty broke thanks to Christmas so whatever I decide needs to be cheap, lol! Maybe a mani pedi or a lil trip to the movies with my hubby will do the trick. Either way, I need to figure something out because lately I feel like a big fat Ebeniezier!!! :[


Friday, December 17, 2010

Flashback Friday: Christmas Lights :)

I was going through my camera last night when I came across the pictures from the very beginning of my memory card. They were from last Christmas, and suddenly the memories came rushing back and it made me realize how quickly this last year has flown by. I guess time flies when your hubby is in the military! ;) I thought I'd share some of them with you and reminisce about the last Christmas with my family back home for the next few years.
Heres me and my niece Bailey sharing in the Christmas spirit! Isn't she the cutest little elf? ;)
Heres me and my big sis hanging out looking at Christmas lights in Rancho. :)
The lights were gorgeous and I dont think I had ever seen anything quite like it! :)
We even saw the Grinch! He was up to his old tricks as usual...
Bailey and Leilani had a blast and we enjoyed ourselves too! :) 
All the houses looked amazing, and we even got to see Santa! :) 
Merry Christmas!! 


Thursday, December 16, 2010

Thursday Five: Let It Snow!

Its Thursday again, so that means its time for Thursday Five! :) Here's how it works...just grab this button 
 and write about what five things have made you: Excited, Joyful, Thankful, Happy and Pumped! Then head over to Flip Flops & Combat Boots and link up! Heres my Thursday Five:

1)This week I am so Excited to finally be on vacation for a few days! I have been catching up on all the things I have been too busy to do because of work, so having some extra time on my hands has been very nice! :)
2) I am positively Joyful that it has already snowed three times in the last week or so! Being from California, I hardly ever see snow, so its a very nice change to actually have a "White Christmas" ♥ Heres a glimpse of our own little Winter Wonderland...

3) This week I am Thankful for my family and friends who are always here to listen and cheer me up when things aren't going so great. I have a very loving family and close friends that still try to be a big part of my life, even though we are on opposite sides of the country. I love you all! ♥ 

4) I am very Happy that yesterday my hubby and I actually had time to spend a nice day together and enjoy each other's company. Things have been hard and stressful lately and it was nice to just have a day to not think about the upcoming deployment, but to enjoy the present.
5) I am soo Pumped because I got awesome gifts from my Secret Santa at work and I loved everything! I got a snazzy mug for my coffee, some Godiva Chocolates and a Coach keychain!  Just a few minutes ago I also received our Christmas present from my In laws...we got a digital photo frame and its awesome!! I have been wanting one forever now and this was the perfect gift for us! :) Thank you Taylor Family!
So whats your Thursday Five?


Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Wordless Wednesday...Christmas Edition

These Little guys are too Cute! :) My mom sent them to us in our Christmas package this year and I was so excited to add them to our tree. They even light up! ♥


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I'm dreaming of a White Christmas...♥

Woo-hoo!! Now that I am off work for the day I am OFFICIALLY on vacation for the next few days and I am soooo excited! I've only been working at the bank since September but I already feel like I need a break from that place. Dealing with people's money is waaayyy more stressful than you think, and especially around the holidays people get very nasty and rude! I guess all those scrooges get extra angry around Christmas, but who the heck knows...?

All I do know is that I'm gonna sleep in this week, get our Christmas cards printed up and mailed out, wrap presents and ship them to our families, and finish up the last of my Christmas shopping. Hopefully by this weekend I will have accomplished everything on our list! :) I only wish my hubby were gonna be on leave as well, but since he cant take his until January it looks like I'll be on my own this week.

Anyway I have been on a Christmas movie kick this week and so far I have watched, "It's a Wonderful Life" and "Miracle on 34th Street." When I was a kid my mom always made us watch these classic Holiday movies along with "White Christmas" but my absolute favorite has always been "Holiday Inn" with Bing Crosby, Fred Astaire and Marjorie Reynolds. The more I think about my love of all things vintage, the more I realize I have my Mom to thank for that. (She also used to make us watch all her Elvis movies! lol). So heres a little clip of one of my favorite songs from the film, I hope you enjoy it! :) The song is a remix but the clip is still good! And if you have never seen Holiday Inn, go watch it! Its funny, charming and just down right fabulous! ♥


Sunday, December 12, 2010

I feel loved :)

First of all I want to say thank you to everyone who read my last post and left me advice and words of encouragement. It was greatly appreciated and so nice to get some feed back about what others have done that were in similar situations like mine. I still haven't fully decided what I want to do yet, but I am just trying to take things one day at a time for now. I've decided I want to see how things go for the next few months before I make any big decisions just yet, cause who knows maybe in a few months time I'll feel more confident about staying here by myself. :)

Now onto more light hearted things...Friday I had an absolutely AWFUL day at work. It was just one of "those" days that anything and everything goes wrong. We were crazy busy at the bank and one of the tubes in the drive thru broke so the line was backed up all day, and customers kept getting mad at us for the long lines. I dropped all my deposits and checks all over the floor while searching for a deposit that a customer was inquiring about, and I spent the rest of the day trying to get everything organized again in between helping customers. It was such a horrible day, and to top it all off were open an hour later on Fridays so we got to deal with that as well. Then when I thought I was gonna be able to go home, I had to be audited and had a "surprise cash count" which took forever. By the time I left I had been at work for 11 hours and only had a 45 minute lunch break. I was ready to pull my hair out and come home and get in my jammies when I saw a package on my front porch as I arrived at home.

My mom had sent me a little "pre-christmas" package and it was the perfect ending to an otherwise absolutely rotten day. :) Here are some of the little trinkets she sent me...
First there was this sweet hand written note.. :) Even though I'm all grown up, I'll always love my Mom!!!♥
Inside the box were lots of little goodies! :) I got a pink Hello Kitty bag, Godiva chocolates and some pictures of my family back in Cali. Then there was even more cool stuff inside the bag!
Along with some beautiful snowflake ornaments, there were some gloves and beanies for my hubby and I. :) My mom also sent us Miracle on 34th Street, which has always been one of my favorite Christmas movies, along with a cute light up snowman and reindeer ornaments! I can't wait to add them to our tree and make it look even prettier. ♥

My mom didn't forget Tulip either, she sent her a little jacket that says, "Baby Its Cold Outside!" This was probably one of my favorite things she sent us, and I couldn't wait to put it on Tulip and see how cute it looked! :) Here's my favorite shot of her...she's my lil model doggy! lol
So after having a very bad day at work and coming home to an empty house since my hubby had duty, it was so heartwarming and lovely to come home to such an amazing care package from my Mom. I feel so lucky that we've gotten closer over the last year and it makes me really thankful to have a Mom who loves me enough to try so hard to cheer me up and make me smile, especially when things in life aren't going so well. So thank you Mom, and this post is dedicated to you. I love you and miss you bunches!!♥


Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Goodbye Virginia, Hello California...???

 Thats the question that has been rolling around in my mind for the past few weeks, when realizing how alone I will be once my husband actually leaves for his second deployment. Just a few months ago it seemed like we had so many good things to look forward to: him coming home, me moving to Virginia so we could finally be together and getting to spend around 2 semi normal years together without him deploying again. Then came the bad news bomb of his deployment being moved up to A LOT sooner than it was supposed to be.

Now everything has changed. He had only been home a month when we found out he was leaving again, and our joyous reunion was cut short by the swift knowledge that we would be saying good bye sooner than either of us had thought. Since then I've been walking around Virginia like a zombie woman trying to avoid a most certainly miserable fate, from which I know there is no escape. No matter how many times I keep wishing, hoping, and praying its not true and that he doesn't really have to go again so soon, I know that eventually I will kiss my husband good bye and say, "I'll see you next year." Then the heart ache, lonely nights, bad fights, worries and depression will be back like an old enemy that just won't seem to die. I know that even if I try to put on a happy face about this, underneath it all I'll really feel like crying my eyes out.

So I sit here now, asking myself, how are we going to get  through this? Why us? Why again so soon? If only I had the answers...I've been told to believe that God has a plan, and thats fine and dandy but at some point enough is just enough. Everyone has a breaking point and this is mine. My life was never peaches and cream, but I have always tried my best to be strong and keep my head up. After so much hardship though, it gets harder and harder for me to be strong and for once I want the opportunity to just be happy, for more than one month after a year of misery. Is that so much to ask?

I really just don't understand any of this and I have never felt more alone than I have the past two months. Since the day we found out I have been walking around in a daze and I just can't seem to clear these toxic thoughts from my head. I can't help but be angry with God, even though I know I shouldn't be. My brain knows better, but for some reason my heart can't comprehend it. I don't feel like praying or going to Church. I feel utterly and completely alone...empty, exasperated, breathless, and in a way lifeless.

I have sunk into a depression, and I can't seem to pull myself up this time. I feel horrible and guilty because I know its hard on my husband to see me this way, but I just can't walk around pretending that everything is ok, when really its the farthest thing from being ok. I have never been a good liar, ask anyone who knows me!! I am the kind of girl who wears her heart on her sleeve, so when I am happy you'll know it, but when I'm sad its very hard for me to hide it.

Now I know there are some of you who will say that I am being dramatic, or that I need to suck it up and be strong for my man, but honestly I just can't. I'm not superwoman or Military spouse of the year, nor have I ever claimed to be. Sometimes even the strongest people need help, and I'm just a girl who loves her husband and wants to share her life with him. A girl who went through hell our entire first year of marriage, and frankly I'm tired of pretending like I can handle all this by myself, because I just can't. As if it weren't bad enough that my husband is leaving again for more than half a year, I am 2,700 miles away from all the people I love and care for.

My family is begging me to come home, but I'm just not sure if it will all be worth the hassle. I just got to Virginia in July and I really like my job out here. I want us to have a home and someplace that is ours. I'm so tired of being a charity case and staying with family members while my husband is out sailing around the world serving our country. I know I need my family and friends to get me through this upcoming deployment but I just don't know if I can go through moving cross country again, and then moving back to Virginia 8 months later. I was so stressed about it all last time that I lost 5 lbs, my hair was falling out and I could barely eat anything.

If I were to move back to California we would have to transfer my job, give up our house, put everything in storage, and I would have to do that horrific drive cross country ALL OVER AGAIN!!!! But I would have my mom and sisters to be my support system and help me get through the months without my husband. Last time they were what got me through each mom, my sisters, my nieces and my best friends. I'm so scared to face this next deployment without them to cheer me up each day or to just laugh about how shitty life can be. :( I'll admit that I miss California something fierce, and I would love to be back home with the people and places that have a special place in my heart, I'm just not sure if it will be more of a head ache than its worth.

Then theres the flip side of the equation...I could stay here in VA and keep our house, keep working, sign up for school and try to stay busy and hopefully make some friends, but more than likely I will lose my sanity and will wind up taking cymbalta and becoming an alcoholic. Lol. I am just scared I won't have the support I need, especially since I've been here 5 months already and only have a couple friends, a few of whom will be moving in the beginning of the year. :( This whole thing is so overwhelming and I really don't know what to do. I need to make a decision soon, but I'm afraid I'll make the wrong choice. So ladies I need your help, what would you do if you were in my shoes???


Friday, December 3, 2010

Oh Christmas Tree! You're finally here...

Every year one of my favorite Christmas traditions is picking out the perfect tree and decorating it with my family. When I was younger my mom would pack all four of us up in the car and take us to the nearest Christmas tree farm. We always, always got a real tree! We would search and search until we found the perfect tree, (after much arguing and debating, not to mention freezing our butts off!) we would finally choose our tree. Once we decided, it was time to head home and start decorating! :) My mom would play old Christmas albums like Elvis and we would all put up the ornaments together. :)

This year was the first time my husband and I got to go together and pick out our very own tree and decorations for our own home. It was so exciting and we had a blast getting everything set up. :) It made me so happy to go pick out a tree with my hubby and put up our new decorations.

Heres a peek at the finished products, and I think everything came out really cute and simple. ♥
I love the way our tree turned out, and I especially love the star topper that we found at the NEX. ♥
Its so sparkly and pretty! I just love it!!♥ We also got a poinsettia wreath and some little lighted trees for the steps leading up to our house. :)
Its pretty simple, but I think its perfect for just starting out. I'm sure we will collect tons of stuff over the years and all the Christmases to come. :)
I even got a table cloth and cute little napkins and napkin rings with little gingerbread men on it. They are so adorable! ♥
I love the way our home looks and smells, and the wonderful smell of pine is in the air! I can't wait to snuggle up with my husband and enjoy our cozy home this holiday season!!
How are you all decorating your homes this Holiday season? What are some traditions your family shares each year? :)