Feeling Better

Today is a new day and although it started off pretty rocky, I can honestly say I am feeling much better. I want to say a big thank you to everyone who commented on my last post and gave me advice. I was really wondering whether that was too personal to share with the blogging world or not, but I just had to get my feelings out somehow. Its so nice to know other wives have been through the same things. I greatly appreciated all your kind words as well as your advice on what to do, and I am proud to say that for the first time in a long time I stood up for myself today. My husband called me this morning and we agreed to log on skype a little later so we could talk. They were having a big party for the men and women (to celebrate the 4th) so he wasn't being too serious at first. I told him how I had been feeling lately and that it wasn't fair to me. Of course he reacted badly and was quick to get angry. My husband really is a giant softy but he is very emotional...and since its not exactly acceptable for men to show emotions other than anger, (at least in their minds) that's usually how he expresses his feelings. He kept trying to fight with me and argue that he does try. And maybe in his mind he does, but to me it just feels like he doesn't care or try at all. I explained to him that even if we only talk once a week or email a few times I would be happy with that, as long as he was actually being nice to me. I told him that when I wait all week for his phone call and then he is mean to me, that it breaks my heart. After arguing for a good 40 minutes I think he finally understood where I was coming from. I know he loves me, but to me I am a firm believer that love is an action word. Saying "I love you," and actually showing and meaning it are two completely different things. I believe with my whole heart that I have been a good wife and strong support system for my husband. Everyday I show my love for him by continuing to be here for him when he's down, praying for him, encouraging him and trying to point out the positive things in our life, and just simply by loving him even when he's not the easiest person to deal with. Our conversation got cut short once again because there was a horrible connection on his end, but by the end he had told me that he loves and misses me like crazy, and that he was sorry for being mean. He explained that he gets so used to the way the men on his ship talk to each other that sometimes he forgets his boundaries. Throw in the added pressures of everyday life on the ship and working 15 hour days and that makes for one grouchy man. Although I understand that, I told him he needs to figure out a way to compartmentalize that part of himself and reserve the "sweet husband" part especially for me! ;) So although I don't think its completely resolved, at the very least I know I spoke what was in my heart and I am so glad I did. I will continue trying my best to get through this chapter in our lives and be loving and understanding, but I am really hoping he will try harder as well. Now I am going to try and have a good day and count my blessings. Marriage isn't easy but like all things in life that are worth anything, it takes hard work and determination to succeed. I love my husband and I am determined to be a good wife to him and work on the problems we face together. I'm not giving up that easy! Thanks for reading and I hope you all have a wonderful Monday. :)