I think all milspouses would agree that being "married to the military," is by no means a walk in the park. We all have our good days, and then there are the days that no matter how hard you try, they seem to get the best of you. I've had alot of those days lately and am trying my best to stay positive. The last thing I want is to let Satan win by letting myself be miserable all the time, but there is only so much I can take before I start to lose it.
I waited a month to post anything about my husband's second deployment simply because I couldn't even find the words to describe how hurt and frightened I am for him to leave again. But I found that once I got it all off my chest, I felt so much better and I would like to say thank you to every single person who left me words of encouragement and offers of prayer. Reading your comments made me realize that although this is going to royally suck, somehow I will make it through the next year and few months.
I know that although my husband chose to join the navy, he did not choose to go on back to back deployments and spend nearly all of our first two years of marriage apart. I know he loves me and wishes nothing more than to be able to finally have a normal life together, but I also know that everything happens for a reason and for some reason my hubby is leaving me again already. I am trying my best to be strong for him and not show how much this hurts me, but I will admit I have my days where finding the good in things can be really hard for me.
Today my husband emailed me from work and dropped yet another "bad news bomb," on me. I had already submitted my vacation for work during December and so had my hubby. We were going to be able to spend Christmas together and enjoy our last holiday together before his work ups begin. But nope, the navy decided that he can't take leave until December 29th, which means he will most likely have to work on Christmas day. So not only will he be gone for Christmas next year, but now we don't even get to spend it together this year either. :(
Seeing as I have no family here and hardly any friends, I will more than likely be spending my Christmas alone. I know this is something I should be used to by now, especially after spending every holiday since last October apart, but for some reason it just never gets easier. I couldn't help but get teary eyed when I read his message and realized now we wouldn't be able to take vacation at the same time. I guess when it rains it pours, huh?
Its days like today when I feel overwhelmed and realize theres no way I can deal with this lifestyle and keep my marriage in tact without the Lord's help. I may be strong, but I am not this strong and I know that only the Lord will be able to get me through the next year. I also know in my heart that he puts people in our lives for a reason, whether it be to make you laugh, comfort you when you cry, or just to listen when you need a friend. So thank you everyone for all the support and prayers...because sometimes, and especially on days like today, you just need a friend. :)