Tuesday, January 3, 2012


There is so much meaning behind those words. Leaving something in the past and moving ahead towards your future, bright and uncertain. The New Year always brings about a sense of nostalgia for the year that has passed, remembering your tragedies & triumphs as you hope for a better year to come. This year you can bet I was happy, no ecstatic even, to kiss 2011 goodbye & welcome 2012 with open arms.

Over the last year I have learned a lot about myself & life, but mostly I've learned that you can't control everything. You can try, but you will always fail. One person can change your life in the most inexplicable ways & it's really all up to fate. I guess what I'm trying to say is that 2011 was a tough year. The toughest year of my life so far, but I'm sure there will be more exhausting days to come & more tears than I'd like to cry.

But if I have learned one thing from 2011 it would have to be resilience. To pick myself up again & again after falling flat on my face. When my husband deployed in March I thought there was no way we could possibly make it through another whole year apart after we just got reacquainted. We had our share of fights, ups & downs & there were times when I think we both felt like giving up, but neither of us did.

There is no way I WILL EVER forget 2011, because it was the year I grew up. The year I officially became an adult & took care of myself. When most people went home for this deployment I stuck it out here by myself. I had some amazing friends of course, and my loving family back home but the one person I really wanted couldn't be here...And being here without him was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever experienced.

I am so thankful to God for making me get out of bed everyday & keep going. To find the strength to get up & go to a job everyday that I hate, because as my husband says, "Everyone has to pay their dues." For keeping me sane, (ok, most of the time) & for reminding me to just breath. To take things one day at a time. To Forgive, to love & to let go of the things I simply can't change. If I didn't have my heavenly father watching out for me, guiding me through these trials, there is no way I'd still be standing. He loves me even though I'll never deserve it, & makes me want to be a better person.

With all that being said, I bid farewell to 2011 and hope that 2012 is a year of happiness, love and peace for myself & all the ones I love. You only live once, so remember not to waste a second of it. ♥

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