A bit lonely at times

Maybe it's because I have been cooped up inside my house for the last week, or maybe it's because I live 2,700 miles away from home but I have been feeling so lonely lately. I feel like I have no friends, which I know isn't true, but it just seems like everyone is just too busy for me. I stop to think about the friends I had throughout middle/high school and how close we were. We did everything together...sports, football games, parties, shopping and just had fun. I know that after high school things change and we all have to actually grow up but I guess it just makes me sad when I look back at those friendships that have disintegrated over the years.

After high school I made other friends and became really close with them, only to drift apart once we moved to Virginia and they all still live in California. Being a navy wife really can be lonely. Sometimes you feel like no one understands what you're going through. I come from a family of all girls and my sisters, my mom and my nieces are all extremely close. My husband doesn't really understand this bond because 1) He is a man and 2) His family is not very sentimental. They are close in their own way but not the way my family is. Everyone kind of just does their own thing. It's hard sometimes that he doesn't understand how much I miss them and I feel like there's a piece of me that is missing when I'm away from them.

My mother always used to say, "Be nice to your sisters, cause one day they'll be your best friends," and she was right. As I have seen so many of my friendships fade away my family has always been there no matter what. Are they perfect? HELL NO! But do I love them dearly? Of course! Looking back at so many memories of my childhood and my adult life, I just wouldn't be the same without them. I want to raise my future children to love one another and embrace family the way I was taught. I want us all to share a closeness and most of all to be close enough to my family that they can know and love my future children as well. I hope the navy makes this possible next year for us when we are supposed to pcs. Keep us in your prayers and I will try not to be so melancholy when I write. :) 

Almost There

I can't believe it. In a few short weeks we will have survived deployment number 2. This has been an extremely long one and my husband's ship has made history for being on the longest naval deployment since WWII. As crazy and hard as it has been I am thankful for this journey. I've learned so much about myself over the past year and more than ever I have faith in the Lord and my marriage.

I hate to admit it but I'll be completely honest in saying there was a big part of me that felt like we wouldn't make it through this deployment. I am still amazed that we did. I truly believe God used our circumstances to stretch us out of our comfort zones, test our limits and make us reach out for him. I know there's no way I'd have survived the last year without his love and the love and support of my amazing family and friends I have made here in Virginia. For all of these things I am incredibly grateful. 

Now that we are nearing the end, I ask for prayers to give me the strength to get through the last leg of this deployment and to help my husband and I have a smooth readjustment period. I am really nervous about him coming home and us being "married" again. I have lived completely alone the last year and know that sharing my space and just getting used to each other again is going to be difficult at times. Thank you and the prayers will be much appreciated. :) 

And last but not least I'm sorry for being a ghost over the last year. Blogging used to be my outlet but I found that the only way I could get through this never-ending deployment was not to dwell on how depressed or lonely I was, but just to live my life. Even if that meant not writing out every detail of it. Anyway, if anyone still even reads this, Thank you. ♥

Home

"Another summer day has come and gone away, in Paris and Rome...but I wanna go home. May be surrounded by a million people, I still feel all alone. Just wanna go home, oh I miss you, you know."

It's Thursday lovelies, and you know what that means. Head on over to Goodnight Moon and link up with whatever song moves you this week.

Lately I've been listening to my Michael Buble station on pandora before I go to sleep each night. I can never get tired of his silky smooth voice and sexy smile... ;) This song makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and makes me miss my husband even more than I already do, if that's even possible.

The words seem kind or eerily perfect for our situation right now. He has had the opportunity to visit amazing places and see beautiful things, but all he wants to do is come home to me. And that's all I can dream about. Until we meet again my love, know I'll be seeing you in my dreams each night.

"Another winter day has come and gone away in either Paris and Rome...and I wanna go home, let me go home. And I'm surrounded by a million people, I still feel alone. let me go home, oh I miss you, you know."

"Let me go home...I've had my run, baby I'm done...I gotta go home. Let me go home, it'll all be alright, I'll be home tonight, I'm coming back home."

Lazy (Labor) Day

Yesterday started off really, really bad. I'm not gonna get into details but I was pretty depressed and actually managed to stay in bed until 4:30 in the afternoon. I finally got up, only cause I needed to shower and was starving and then proceeded to eat wendy's for dinner and watch netflix all night. I started to feel a little better, but today I am kicking myself in the butt for not running all my errands and doing my chores yesterday so I could enjoy my day off today.

However, I can say that I really needed a day where I could just lay around and sleep all day. I am always going, going, going, and am usually exhausted. I needed to recharge my batteries and just THINK about a lot of things going on in my life. It was nice to have a day where I could just stay in bed and be comfy. That's usually what I feel like doing every week day, but instead I have to get up early and go to work at a job I hate.

Le sighhhhh...anyway, I am excited for fall and have decided to do a countdown until I go to home to California in December. As of now its a little more than three months away, and I'm praying it goes by fast! I can't wait to see everyone and just enjoy some time with the family and my besties back home. ♥ I hope you all have a Happy Tuesday! Hooray for short weeks! ;)

Life keeps going

The last few weeks have been so busy I've hardly known what to do with myself. Between the hurricane, working so much and trying to survive this deployment, its been a tad difficult to keep my sanity in tact. With all that excitement we passed the half way mark, and although it still feels like forever until I'll see my hubby again I'm praying the days, weeks, and months pass quickly.

This deployment has really been a tremendous struggle for my husband and I. We have both been missing each other so much and get easily frustrated with this lifestyle and spending two years back to back on deployments and not being able to enjoy any of our newlywed lives together. We just had our two year wedding anniversary last week and I'll admit it was extremely hard facing that day alone.

My hubby was really sweet though and called me the night before (since he is on a different time zone) to wish me a happy anniversary. He also let me get my "upgrade" from my old wedding ring. And I must say, I'm in love!! ♥ It's exactly my vintage style and is soooo beautiful. :) Thank you baby, you are the best and always know how to spoil me!

We ordered him a cruise jacket for him to have and I worked really hard on his anniversary care package. I thought I mailed it too late, but as fate would have it, the package arrived just in time ON our actual anniversary! (It was probably the one and only thing that made me smile that day.) He loved it and enjoyed the cake in a jar I made for him so that made me feel pretty good. (here's a snap shot of his package)

This was probably my favorite thing about this package...decorating is always a lot of fun. ♥

I actually took the time to write out ten things I love most about my husband. I hope he knows I meant every word.

The last few weeks have been a challenge for us and we've had our share of ups and downs. I am really trying my hardest to be a good wife to him and not make this deployment any harder than it has to be. I can't even put into words how challenging it has been for us both, and at this point I am just relying on the lord to help us through it. Without him it just won't be possible. Please say a prayer for us both to be strong and that the lord would strengthen our marriage and allow us to lean on each other instead of fighting or pushing each other away. We could really use the prayers!

One and Only

It would be an understatement to say this whole album is wonderful. 

 

Every song makes you feel something, and her sultry voice brings chills down my spine.

 

This song is currently stuck in my brain. ♥

 

  I hope you love it as much as I do. 

You've been on my mind
I grow fonder every day,
lose myself in time just thinking of your face
God only knows why it's taking me so long
to let my doubts go
You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before
Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,
You never know if you never try to forget your past
And simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
Promise I'm worth it to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance

To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile
Until the end starts

Have I been on your mind?
You hang on every word I say, lose yourself in time
At the mention of my name, will I ever know
How it feels to hold you close
And have you tell me which ever road I chose you'll go

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before
Every feeling every word, I've imagined it all,
You never know if you never tried to forgive your past
And simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance

To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile
Until the end starts

I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart
I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart

(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've earned it)
I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart
(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've earned it)
I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worth it to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance

To prove I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts
Come and give me the chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts.

The little things

Sometimes in life it's the little things that can make all the difference. Lately I've been having a hard time dealing with this deployment, and the fact that we still don't have a homecoming date has been making things extra difficult. I've had a few other things going on in my life as well and of course there is always the stress of my job, and worrying about my husband's safety to make things seem like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. 

Luckily this week I've had the chance to talk to my husband a little more and we even got to have our first skype dates during this deployment. You know you're a military spouse when you become absolutely giddy at the fact that you are able to see your husband's face while you video chat through a computer screen. To some people it may seem crazy, but seeing his smile, hearing his voice and being able to talk without having to rush makes all the difference in the world. 

Deployment, like anything in life that isn't so fun can get the best of me at times. There are days when I feel like I am losing my mind, days where I feel like I could just die of loneliness and that I can't endure another day of being without my other half...there are nights when I cry myself to sleep and pray for the strength to get through another day, and it's not always easy but somehow, just seeing my husband's handsome face and hearing his voice reminds me why I am going through all this in the  first place. I love him more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. 

He keeps telling me that this is just a stepping stone in our lives and that it won't last forever. I know he is right, and I know that it will only make our love and our marriage stronger. ♥ I thought I'd share a photo of my handsome hubby from our skype date...

 I can't get over how good he looks! He's been working out a lot and I can definitely tell. I am one lucky girl to have such a foxy husband! ♥