New Beginnings

I can't believe it's already January! The new year always means a chance to start fresh and lots of changes and this year is no exception. In just a few short days My baby boy will be one year old and I simply can't wrap my head around it. 

We had a wonderful holiday season and I have been soaking up every moment with my sweet little boy because my days as a stay at home mama are numbered. 

By the grace of God I have found a full time banking job and will be going back to work in the next few weeks. I am experiencing so many emotions when it comes to this and although I was thrilled to be offered the position I wanted, my heart is also breaking at the thought of placing my baby in daycare. 

I may have cried the other night when I actually sat down and realized I will only see him for about 2 hours each day during the week. I don't know how I'm going to handle it but please pray I find the strength. ♥

Right now I'm in the process of trying to find great and affordable child care and its proving to be more difficult than I initially thought. Some places want over $900 per month. Its literally insane. 

I'm just trying to navigate through these feelings and situation because its all new to me. I remember so many times over the last year seeing friends who had babies have to leave them and go back to work, and how incredibly lucky I felt to be able to stay home with my son. The last year has truly been a gift and one that I will cherish all the rest of my days. 

However, each chapter in our lives must come to an end and sadly this one is ending. Although I'd love to stay home with my son longer, its for the best for me to work. So now I will be starting a new adventure and I hope its a good one! :)

{Ringing in the New Year with my little family}

I can't wait to see what this year brings for my family and I  am choosing to see the blessings even when its hard. I hope you're all having a wonderful 2014 so far. ♥

I actually Won!

Have I ever mentioned that I have terrible luck when it comes to winning giveaways? I know "winning isn't everything, " but no one can say they don't love winning something every now and then. :)

Recently I entered Chambanachik's giveaway for a copy of "Faith Deployed...Again" and I'm so excited to have been one of the two lucky winners!

Erica is a doll and I am so thankful for the chance to read this book and use it to help me get through the second half of this deployment.

So far time has been moving right along and I although I have been feeling better over all I still have my rough days. Right now I'm trying to stay focused on the positive and see the good things that have come from this deployment.

Sometimes that's easier said than done, but it's still worth trying. Here is what I have come up with so far:

1) It has given us the chance to pay off nearly all our credit card debts and to finally get new tires on my car and my brakes fixed! Hallelujah!

2) It has made me dig deep inside myself and keep going, even when I didn't feel like living anymore.

3)We have fought A LOT but we are finally at the point where we are both used to being alone and the whole "deployment" concept is easier to comprehend.

4) This deployment has brought out trust issues and secrets that would have otherwise stayed hidden for who knows how long. It could have broken us if we let it, but we have chosen to forgive and move forward.

5) I have finally known what it feels like to be completely on my own, living alone...without a husband, mom, sisters or room mates to lean on. I think it's something everyone should experience at least once in there life!

6) It has made me put myself out there and make more friends. When you don't have a husband to go on dates with or family to hang out with you tend to become more outgoing and just learn to make friends!

7) It has taught me to count my blessings and to be thankful for the good things about my husband...no matter how much he annoys me or makes me angry at times, I know I'm lucky to have a man who loves me as much as he does.

8) It has made me realize there are a lot of things I need to work on in myself, like being less selfish and more giving to others. I've also learned to let go of trying to control everything, which is easier said than done for this control freak.

Anyway, I'm off to work and it's sure to be another dreadfully boring day at the bank so I'm hoping today goes by fast! Is it 5:30 yet? ;)

10 years

I can't believe it's already been ten years...

I was 14 years old when the terrorist attacks were committed against America and in my first week of high school. I remember waking up that morning and my mom listening to the radio as she got ready for work.

It was all over the news and when she told me, I could hardly believe it. As the day went on and the events unfolded people's lives all over America were changed. Our eyes were opened to the fact that we CAN be hurt, we CAN lose loved ones, and we CAN feel defeated.

As I sat in class that day none of the teachers could muster the courage to go on like nothing had happened. So all we could do was sit there and wait. Wait to find out what was going on, as we watched the news all day...seeing pictures and live feed of smoke billowing from the twin towers after they had been hit.

My heart ached for our country that day, and for weeks and months following the events that took place. Every year since, it has been a very somber feeling on the anniversary of 9/11. Now, ten years later it still gets to me. It's something that I'll remember for the rest of my life, something I don't think I could forget even if I tried.

Now as a military wife, I understand the sacrifice and the meaning even more than I did back then. So today I want to honor the fallen heroes of 9/11 by saying thank you. Thank you for your bravery and your sacrifices. You won't be forgotten.

It's a celebration!

This past weekend my bloggy buddy and real life friend Brittany and I got together to celebrate passing the half way point! It has really helped to have a friend to listen and be there who is going through the same thing and knows exactly how you feel. Thanks so much Britt for listening to me vent and complain and just hanging out and keeping me company on dozens of lonely nights! :) I can't wait for our hubby's to get home so we can all go out for a double date, FINALLY! haha!

Britt has two adorable doggies named Lady Puggle and Roland. Lady just so happens to love me and I think you could say it's a love to last a lifetime. ;) Here's proof!

Isn't she adorable!? :) This weekend we went to Cheesecake Factory in Virginia Beach to celebrate the halfway point and I was so excited we chose to go there. They have one of my favorite drinks called a Georgia Peach and I'm telling you, they are sooooo delicious! ;) If you haven't tried one, get your butt down there and get one...they are seriously that amazing. ♥

We got so much food it was almost absurd, and seeing that it was cheesecake factory we HAD to order dessert. We ordered some yummy nachos and we both got pasta for the main course. I can't remember what mine was called, but it was delicious!

 I ordered the Tiramisu cheesecake for dessert, because if you didn't already know, I'm obsessed with coffee and Tiramisu is my absolute favorite dessert. ♥

Nothing makes me happy like food does, (well except my hubby and family, but you know what I mean) and this feast was perfect for celebrating all the struggles and trials we have overcome in the last six months. I know we still have a long way to go, but with the lord on my side and good friends and family to help me through it, I know I'll survive. :)

Life keeps going

The last few weeks have been so busy I've hardly known what to do with myself. Between the hurricane, working so much and trying to survive this deployment, its been a tad difficult to keep my sanity in tact. With all that excitement we passed the half way mark, and although it still feels like forever until I'll see my hubby again I'm praying the days, weeks, and months pass quickly.

This deployment has really been a tremendous struggle for my husband and I. We have both been missing each other so much and get easily frustrated with this lifestyle and spending two years back to back on deployments and not being able to enjoy any of our newlywed lives together. We just had our two year wedding anniversary last week and I'll admit it was extremely hard facing that day alone.

My hubby was really sweet though and called me the night before (since he is on a different time zone) to wish me a happy anniversary. He also let me get my "upgrade" from my old wedding ring. And I must say, I'm in love!! ♥ It's exactly my vintage style and is soooo beautiful. :) Thank you baby, you are the best and always know how to spoil me!

We ordered him a cruise jacket for him to have and I worked really hard on his anniversary care package. I thought I mailed it too late, but as fate would have it, the package arrived just in time ON our actual anniversary! (It was probably the one and only thing that made me smile that day.) He loved it and enjoyed the cake in a jar I made for him so that made me feel pretty good. (here's a snap shot of his package)

This was probably my favorite thing about this package...decorating is always a lot of fun. ♥

I actually took the time to write out ten things I love most about my husband. I hope he knows I meant every word.

The last few weeks have been a challenge for us and we've had our share of ups and downs. I am really trying my hardest to be a good wife to him and not make this deployment any harder than it has to be. I can't even put into words how challenging it has been for us both, and at this point I am just relying on the lord to help us through it. Without him it just won't be possible. Please say a prayer for us both to be strong and that the lord would strengthen our marriage and allow us to lean on each other instead of fighting or pushing each other away. We could really use the prayers!

Baby You're a Firework

I don't know why but music has always had an inexplicable ability to amplify my feelings. For me it's not just about the beat or the artist, but more about the lyrics...they breathe life into a simple melody and suddenly you can see it all before your very own eyes. 

I have had Katy Perry's "California Dreams" album since last summer when it debuted and loved nearly every song on it. When they started playing "Firework" on the radio I was a bit surprised seeing as it wasn't one of my favorites. I never really stopped to listen to what she was singing about. 

Friday night I was driving to my friend Sarah's house, listening to that album when the song came on. And for the first time in probably 1,000 times of hearing this song I just stopped and listened. 

It may sound corny, or even silly to some...but the lyrics to this song inspired me on that sweltering hot Friday night. The last two years have been the most challenging and emotionally scarring years of my life. I have endured more pain and suffering than I would wish on anyone. 

Milspouses don't joke when they say this life isn't for everyone. It takes a special kind of breed to withstand the hardships, challenges, and curve balls the military lifestyle throws your way on a daily basis. You have to learn to grow thick skin, adapt to changes, make new friends and learn to live in the moment and always appreciate the little things. You learn not to take any time with the ones you love for granted.

Nothing can ever be planned, because once you start planning the military decides to change the plan and mess everything up. More often than not half the bed is cold and you find yourself making dinner for one instead of two.You spend months/years away from the love of your life that you will never get back. There is always a fear and uncertainty when they deploy and you wonder if God will bring them home safe and back into your arms once more.

But somehow, (and I am still trying to figure out how) you keep going. You keep getting up out of bed every day and breathing in and out. You find a way to live, even with all the craziness the military adds into the background of your life. 

I have had to dig deep inside myself to make it through the past two years, but I've had to dig even deeper over the last 4 months. I will be completely candid in saying these back to back and early 2nd deployment have nearly killed me. I think devastated would be the right term. 

But I am still here. I am still standing. And I am NOT giving up. 

There's something inside me that refuses to let the universe win and ruin my happiness and my marriage. Just like I told my husband yesterday, "It's you and me against the world." ♥

So when life has got you down and it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, just tell yourself, "Baby you're a firework."

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe"


Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon