Goodbye

There is so much meaning behind those words. Leaving something in the past and moving ahead towards your future, bright and uncertain. The New Year always brings about a sense of nostalgia for the year that has passed, remembering your tragedies & triumphs as you hope for a better year to come. This year you can bet I was happy, no ecstatic even, to kiss 2011 goodbye & welcome 2012 with open arms.

Over the last year I have learned a lot about myself & life, but mostly I've learned that you can't control everything. You can try, but you will always fail. One person can change your life in the most inexplicable ways & it's really all up to fate. I guess what I'm trying to say is that 2011 was a tough year. The toughest year of my life so far, but I'm sure there will be more exhausting days to come & more tears than I'd like to cry.

But if I have learned one thing from 2011 it would have to be resilience. To pick myself up again & again after falling flat on my face. When my husband deployed in March I thought there was no way we could possibly make it through another whole year apart after we just got reacquainted. We had our share of fights, ups & downs & there were times when I think we both felt like giving up, but neither of us did.

There is no way I WILL EVER forget 2011, because it was the year I grew up. The year I officially became an adult & took care of myself. When most people went home for this deployment I stuck it out here by myself. I had some amazing friends of course, and my loving family back home but the one person I really wanted couldn't be here...And being here without him was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever experienced.

I am so thankful to God for making me get out of bed everyday & keep going. To find the strength to get up & go to a job everyday that I hate, because as my husband says, "Everyone has to pay their dues." For keeping me sane, (ok, most of the time) & for reminding me to just breath. To take things one day at a time. To Forgive, to love & to let go of the things I simply can't change. If I didn't have my heavenly father watching out for me, guiding me through these trials, there is no way I'd still be standing. He loves me even though I'll never deserve it, & makes me want to be a better person.

With all that being said, I bid farewell to 2011 and hope that 2012 is a year of happiness, love and peace for myself & all the ones I love. You only live once, so remember not to waste a second of it. ♥