Dreams VS. Reality

One day. That was all it took. One day to realize how boring my job is. Right now I am getting back into the swing of things and although I was growing weary of staying home for a month, I'll admit I missed the people I worked with and my favorite customers more than the actual job.

I think the reason I am so bored with this job is that is goes against everything that I love. It's completely void of any creativity and basically requires me to be a robot for 8 hours or more each day. It's the same thing day in and day out. I never really considered myself to be a creative person until I sat down and thought about who I really am. The things I love, my hobbies and what I want out of life and a career. In short, what makes me, well...me.

I have always loved music & have been singing pretty much from the time I could talk. I know I probably annoyed my mom and sisters so much growing up! I was in show choir, an audition choir, dance, drill team, cross country and track and was always keeping busy and trying to be involved at school. As I got older I really got into fashion and started working as a sales associate at a clothing retailer and after a few months was promoted to manager. Although working retail had it's pitfalls I had a job with a lot of creative freedom and the ability to create beautiful things.

I would place new merchandise throughout the store each day and create looks for customers and displays. Although we were given an outline for our floorsets (which colors, fabrics, patterns etc go with each wall theme) I had the chance to create something lovely each day at work. It was almost like making my own puzzle. It used to make me so happy when customers would come in and want the outfits I put together and the walls I would merchandise would sell out.

When I think about it, I guess it makes sense that I would be more inclined to want a creative job. My mother & grandmother are both very creative. When I was a child my mom would sew all the time and I still remember the year she recreated the entire pocahontas costume from the disney movie, (it was one of my favorite films at the time) for me to wear for Halloween. It was way better than any cheap costume I could have bought at the store and she even found me some real moccasins from the thrift store. I was in heaven.

She's also very talented at interior design. Anyone who's been to my Mom's house can tell you, it's decorated beautifully and she is always changing things or adding something new. When you walk into her house it looks like something out of a magazine! My grandmother is also very talented at painting and design.  She is always finding new diy projects to make her home more interesting! They are both amazing cooks!

I've heard people talk about the whole "Right brain VS. Left brain" theory and decided to take the test to see which one I was. Not surprisingly I am more "right brained" than "left brained." According to the online test this means, "The right side of your brain controls the left side of your body. In addition to being known as right-brained, you are also known as a creative thinker who uses feeling and intuition to gather information. You retain this information through the use of images and patterns. You are able to visualize the "whole" picture first, and then work backwards to put the pieces together to create the "whole" picture. Your thought process can appear quite illogical and meandering. The problem-solving techniques that you use involve free association, which is often very innovative and creative. The routes taken to arrive at your conclusions are completely opposite to what a left-brained person would be accustomed. You probably find it easy to express yourself using art, dance, or music. Some occupations usually held by a right-brained person are forest ranger, athlete, beautician, actor/actress, craftsman, and artist. "

The whole analysis was pretty interesting and a lot of the things they mentioned were right on for me personally. I'm not sure how accurate this test is but I wasn't too surprised at the results. I know I am a more creative person than a logical one and I have a hard time dealing with math and other boring things. Which would explain why I am bored to tears working at a bank. How did I end up here? Lol!

Lately I have been doing a lot of soul searching and praying about my future and career choices. I know I am not doing what I am meant to do, but at the same time I can't really afford to just quit my job and "follow my dreams." I would love to go to school for fashion merchandising and make a career out of something I enjoy so much, but getting the education to do so would cost me about $80,000 at The Art Institute which I of course don't have. I would feel terrible putting us into so much debt if I were to get student loans and pursue this dream.

I guess what I am trying to articulate is that there is so much more out there than what I am doing right now. The dreamer in me wants to dive in and go for it, while the realist's voice is in the back of my head saying it would be foolish to do such a thing. I know it's extremely important for me to work considering today's economy and the fact that the military doesn't exactly pay well for enlisted service members. I also have to think about the fact that as a military spouse who can be told to pick up and move at any time, and told to go anywhere that my school and career options are limited as long as my husband remains in the service.

 I know he won't be in the military forever, but until he is out for sure and we can stay in one place I feel like it's going to be extremely difficult for me to have a successful career doing something I love. Heck, even having the opportunity to finish school in one place would be nice, which at this point won't happen since we don't have too much time left in Virginia.

I guess I am just trying to figure it all out and the fact that I'm not getting any younger makes me feel even more pressure to do so. I really just want to have a career that will challenge me yet allow me to be creative and enjoy working! I dislike coming home everyday and complaining to my husband how unhappy I am with where I am with my schooling/career. I want to be proud of myself for completing a degree and have a job that I love. Maybe that's just asking too much? I don't really think so, but I guess only time will tell. It's definitely going to be an interesting journey of self discovery! Is anyone else out there struggling with anything similar to this?

Hello November!

I have been waiting for you all year. I kept telling myself that if I could make it to November it would all be "smooth sailing" from here. No pun intended...okay, maybe a little pun!

Now that you've arrived the days are flying off the calendar so quickly that I haven't even had a chance to blog but once so far this month and it's already the tenth! For some reason at the beginning of this deployment time just seemed to drag on and on. Maybe because it's a much longer deployment than last time, but for whatever reason it just seemed to take FOREVER!!!!

Now that we are on the tail end of things time isn't slowing down but speeding up. I guess it helps that I have been keeping myself insanely busy with work, trying to communicate with my husband, household chores, bills, and trying to have a social life. 

And because that wasn't enough for me I've also decided to become an independent beauty consultant with Mary Kay. I just signed up about a week ago and am ready to get going! I've been so lucky to have met a ton of amazing and wonderful women and am just excited to have the opportunity to make new friends here in va and to earn some extra money doing something I love. ♥

It's such a joy to have something to look forward to doing instead of the feeling I get when I go to work at the bank. (The "get me outta here!" feeling). Beauty and makeup is something I am definitely passionate about and I'm just excited to learn more and see my business grow. :) 

I've just gotten my WEBSITE up and running and would love to help my followers with any of their beauty or skincare needs. Go take a peek and sign up for emails, see limited edition products and try out the Mary Kay virtual makeover tool to see what looks great on you right from your computer! I can speak from personal use that these products are amazing and good for your skin!

You can also contact me via email: BrittneyT@marykay.com for any questions or concerns. I'd love to show you what amazing products Mary Kay has to offer! 

Well, I'm off to go meet with my director and get started on planning my debut party for this weekend. I'm so excited and can't wait to see how everything goes. :) Wish me luck!!!

Feeling Accomplished

Happy Tuesday Everyone! Today I'm feeling really good and have already done so much and it's barely 1:00 pm! I had physical therapy again this morning and got a hot wax treatment on my hand. It felt AMAZING! With the help of my exercises and therapy I have gained 20 degrees more flexibilty when letting my hand hang down and 10 degrees more flexibility when holding it with my palm facing up. 

My pain threshold still varies from day to day but always feels better when I give it some rest on my days off from work. I have a doctors appt this weekend with my primary to check in and see how things are going so far. I am feeling good and hopeful that my hand will be able to completely heal with therapy and exercise rather than needing surgery. Say a prayer for me that it all works out! :-) 

I am happy that I was able to meet two of the three goals my physical therapist set for me within the first two weeks and hopefully it will only get better from here! As for everything else I have been having a hard time with this deployment lately. I thought it would get easier once October got here, but with the holidays fast approaching it is becoming clear to me that the last few months are going to be the hardest. 

My hubby took his Blue Jacket of the Year test today and we are keeping our fingers crossed today that he wins so he can get capped at the end of this year! That would really help us out financially and would reward him for all of his hard work. However it pans out, I can say that I am extremely proud of my husband for all he has sacrificed these last two years and especially this year. The navy is no joke and they are getting their money's worth out of my husband..that's for sure!

I love you baby and I'm so proud of you! 

On another note, since we are close to being in the double digits soon, homecoming has been on my mind a lot lately. I need to start planning and getting ready for it, because although it's still a few months away I know it will be here faster than I think. 

This time around we want to go on a "stay-cation" and just stay in Virginia. We definitely want to get a nice hotel somewhere for a few days and just relax, have some date nights and pamper ourselves...Lord knows after an 11 month deployment we are both going to need it!

What are some fun "stay-cation" activities you've done?

Growing up

Looking back on my life, I remember being a little girl and thinking about all the dreams I wanted to accomplish when I was "grown up." I wanted to go to college, get married when I was 26 and have babies and a career by the time I turned 30. In short, I wanted to "do it all."

Now I'm 24, married and living 2,700 miles away from my friends and family. My life has in no way turned out how I had thought or even hoped and although I am 100% in love with my husband it is hard to come to grips with the reality that dreams don't always come true.

I don't regret marrying my soul mate, but the navy has certainly put both our dreams on hold. I always strove to be the best at what I did, whether it was getting honor roll in school, running varsity for cross country or getting solos in choir, I just wanted my chance to shine. I wanted so much for my mom to notice me and love me that I tried any and every activity to get her attention. And my biggest goal was to go to college and get my degree so I could make my mom and grandparents proud.

The only problem was that I come from a single parent family and had no money to go to a university. My mom had remarried at the time, but he had 3 kids of his own, and two of them were already going to universities on his dime so we didn't exactly have money for me to go. I couldn't qualify for any grants or scholarships so I had no way of paying the ridiculous amounts of money for tuition.

I had great grades in high school but never even took the sat's because I knew I couldn't afford to go. Instead I got a job at 16 and have been working ever since. I enrolled in community college after I graduated and started working full time to try and support myself (which isn't easy to do in ca where everything is insanely expensive!). I always had to put work before school because I needed the money, and here I am six years later and still no degree.

Now it has been nearly two years since I've been able to go to school (mostly because of the navy and their impeccable timing) and I feel like my life is just passing me by. It's like I'm standing still while the whole world keeps moving forward. I've seen so many of my friends from high school graduate college and go on to have successful careers and meanwhile I'm stuck in a job I hate and can't muster the money or energy to go to school and actually finish my degree.

On the other hand, the friends who aren't going to school are having babies by the boat load. (And no I'm NOT exaggerating either). Last year my sister, cousin, and one of my best friends all had a baby. This year my bf from high school had her 2nd baby! And I know about 7 other girls right now who are expecting in the next few months.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly wanting a baby right now because let's face it, my husband and I have spent less than six months together because of him joining the navy and getting deployed back to back. We haven't exactly had any time to be newlyweds or just spend enjoying life before kids. I know everything changes TREMENDOUSLY once you start a family, and we both want time to focus on each other and living life to the fullest, (aka being selfish for a bit longer) before we go down that road.

But if I'm not doing one or the other, then where does that leave me? I feel like I'm stuck in limbo right now...just drifting along through life. Not really taking any chances or making any decisions to make my dreams come true.

I've been thinking about all this a lot lately and just wish I could make the right decision. After toying with the idea of becoming a history teacher I've finally decided it's just not for me. I love history and would like to share the passion I have for it with others, but I simply don't think I could handle being a teacher.

I really want a career I'll love and something I've ALWAYS been interested in is fashion. My dream job would be a visual merchandiser for a retail store or a buyer, but there is that nagging fear of failure in the back of my mind that is keeping me from even trying. It's that little voice whispering, "you'll never make it," that has kept me from even trying all this time.

Not to mention the thousands of dollars of debt that I would accumulate in student loans if I went back to school to get my degree in fashion merchandising. Going to FIDM or The Art Institute just isn't in our budget right now, but my biggest fear is having regrets. I don't want to look back on my life one day and think, "I wish I had pursued that dream!" And I know that if I stay at the job I'm at now I'll end up blowing my brains out sooner or later simply from sheer boredom and lack of creativity!

I just wish there were a simple solution to all this, and that I could snap my fingers and have it "all figured out," but I'm a grown up now, and I know better. Life isn't that easy, it's not that simple. It just isn't...

Deployment Goals

Since I'm gonna have a lot of alone time over the next year, I've decided to make a list of goals to accomplish while my husband is gone. Hopefully I can make a dent in them and keep myself busy. Here's my list:

1) Learn and perfect at least twenty new recipes. I want to be an even better cook once my husband comes home! ♥ (Not that I'll be the next Julia Child or anything...)

2) Exercise more. Since we moved into our new apartment I now have a lovely fitness center I can use to work out in! I can't wait to try out the new treadmills and blow off some steam by working out. I figure I need all the endorphins I can get over the next few months. ;)

3) Pay off all our credit cards. Between the two of us we have more credit cards than we need. Once we recuperate from this move, we are going to get those horrible things paid off! They have all been taken out of both our wallets and locked away so we wont be tempted to use them.  

4) Learn some patience and stop worrying. Last Deployment I would get very nervous and worry if I didn't hear from my husband every few days. I would start to freak out and assume the worst, and it really took a toll on my body both physically and emotionally. My hair was falling out, I couldn't sleep until almost 5 am every morning and I lost 5 pounds. I had no appetite and basically no motivation to do anything. My Mother in law would have to call me and come home to find me sitting in my pajamas at 3 pm, laying around my room feeling sorry for myself. In short, I was extremely depressed. Looking back I don't know how I pulled myself out of that dark place. If it weren't for my family, friends and of course the Lord I don't think I could have done it. I DO NOT want a repeat of that this time around.

5) I want to travel. If you've been following my blog for awhile you probably know that I love history, and I love going to new places. Virginia is chock full of amazing historical places and I want to take full advantage of that while we are stationed here. I may never get the chance to visit all these places after we leave va. I am dying to visit Washington DC and see all the beautiful cherry blossoms. I also want to visit the Smithsonian and the National Zoo. I'm hoping I can convince some friends to go with me this summer, I think it would be an amazing experience. I would also love to visit New York. Being from California, I've been to L.A. many, many times but never to New York. I just want to see the city, experience some good food and of course some NY Pizza and do a little shopping. 

6) I want to grow stronger. This lifestyle is by no means easy, and its definitely not for everyone. There are days when I feel like I just can't do it anymore. Having your entire life be controlled by the navy is not an easy thing to comprehend. I want to be stronger, not only for myself but also for my marriage. I know that when I have break downs and let everything get to me, it only puts more stress on my husband. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I will never snap and have a bad day or rant on my blog, but I'm going to try and roll with the punches. I'm gonna try harder to get back up when I get knocked down.

7) I want to come up with some amazing care package ideas. I know that when my hubby gets a package from me, it makes his day and I really wanna support him and make him smile over the next few months. :)

8) And last but definitely not least I just want to be HAPPY. I want to embrace the good things and the beauty in my life, even if my husband isn't here to share it with me. I don't want to allow our situation to consume my entire existence and bring me down. I know its gonna be hard, but we're gonna get through this! 

So that's my list...To all the MilSpouses out there currently going through a deployment, what are your goals?