Boxes, Boxes, and a Birthday!

 I have never seen so many boxes in my life! The packing is a little less than half way done, and it looks like we have so much stuff! In reality we really don't, but seeing everything in boxes makes it seem like more I guess. I was expecting it to be a lot more hectic than it really has been, but the company only sent one guy to pack all our stuff so it hasn't been too bad. I have just been sitting here watching him pack everything and talking to him. He is doing a good job so far and he has the funniest personality! He told me right away this morning that I look a lot like Jennifer Love Hewitt (which I hear all the time) so I thought that was pretty funny, lol. He also said I remind him of Zooey Deschanel, so it must be my brunette hair and my bangs that gave him that impression! Either way I'll take it as a compliment cause I love them both! :) Anyway, I am so excited that this moving business is almost over with, and after the truck comes to pick everything up tomorrow, I can breath a huge sigh of relief!!! :) As for the rest of my day, once the packing is complete I am going to head over to my sister's house and go out to dinner with my family to celebrate Bailey's birthday. I can't believe my love bug is six years old already, it doesn't feel like I have been an Auntie for that long! This must mean I am getting old too fast...sighhhhhh, lol.

Its alright though because hopefully one day i will have a few love bugs of my own to spoil. ;) One thing I know for sure is that everything in my life is going to change in the next few weeks, and although thats pretty scary, I'm also really excited for our future. I can't wait to have my new home set up and looking lovely for my hubby when he comes home. Thank you to all my amazing and wonderful readers who have left me sweet and thoughtful comments over the past few days! Sometimes I feel like I'm going nuts and reading your words of encouragement truly helps me to calm down and take a step back. I know without your support I would probably be insane by now, so from the bottom of my heart, many thanks!!♥ I hope you all have a beautiful Thursday!! :)

P.S. Happy Birthday Bailey! You'll always be my lil' love bug!♥

I think I'm about to fall over!

Today has been insane!!!! Or should I say yesterday since its after 1 am? Either way I'm pooped! I got a lovely phone call yesterday at 3 pm from the movers, informing me that they would be coming an ENTIRE DAY EARLY to pack all our house hold goods!!!! Seriously....Wtf??? They didn't even give me a whole days notice to prepare and that means that the movers are coming today at 8 am! Dear Lord, I am beyond exhausted right now, exhausted doesn't even begin to cover it. I was up early this morning getting ready for a skype date with my hubby. We talked for about an hour which was amazing (and no fighting either!) and then I had a ton of errands to run with my sister, so we headed for the stores to search for an adorable doll house. Tomorrow is my niece's birthday and we (being the terrible procrastinators that we are) waited until today to go buy all her presents, lol!!! We're horrible, I know...don't judge! ;)Anyways this is how I found out about the movers: we were hauling our butts around town when my phone rings and its a number I don't recognize. I answer it anyway, just in case and thank God I did! The movers were so thoughtfully calling at 3 pm no less, to inform me they would be packing up my house on Thursday instead of Friday! Ugghhhhh So needless to say I was less than thrilled, especially since the day was half over and I hadn't even had a chance to pack up my clothes and toiletries, as well as take photos of all our furniture and house hold items. We literally ran all over town looking for the different gifts we needed, and we did end up getting the perfect dollhouse. :) Bailey is going to have a fabulous birthday! Once we were done with all that it was 8 pm!!!! I was already tired but I had to go home and get everything ready for the movers, so home I went! I then spent the whole night taking photos, cleaning, organizing stuff and packing what I'm going to keep here with me for the next two weeks! I am soooo exhausted! And I'm sorry because I know this post is all over the place but my brain is fried at this point, lol!! Wish me luck today, the movers will be here in a few hours to pack everything up, but for now I need to get some decent sleep, so good night everyone! Hopefully I can get through all this, I know its gonna be a crazy day!!!

Taking Care of Business!

Eeeeeeeeek!! I am so excited right now! Today has been an amazing day sofar! Not only did I get to skype with my hubby for over an hour, but I also got a call from the movers today and they are coming on Friday to pack all our house hold goods and ship everything to Virginia! :) The guy from the moving company we were assigned was so nice, and he even came out to my house today to survey all the stuff were having packed! We were way under the weight limit which is a great thing, and since we got the moving day we wanted all our hhg will arrive in Va the day after we get there!!!! I am so freaking happy right now, I could literally jump up and down! And thats not all!!! We got a washer and dryer!! A friend of ours saw a post I wrote on facebook saying I was looking for a nice but affordable used set, and he has one he is gonna sell us! And we're only paying $170 (and they actually work) and he is even gonna deliver them!! All I can say is PRAISE JESUS because things are finally starting to come together! Now I just have to put aside all the clothes and toiletries and other essentials that I will need for my last two weeks in Cali. I can't believe theres only 17 days until I move to Virginia!!! Whooo-hoooo! Wish me luck, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be exhausted and frazzled for the next few days, but i'm so glad this is almost over with! I see the light at the end of the tunnel!!  

P.S. I'm sorry for my extreme use of exclamation points, but I was just too darn excited while writing this post, lol!

Isn't it darling?

I want to win this adorable apron so badly!! Our kitchen is going to be decorated in red, black and white so this apron would look perfect while I'm baking or making something yummy for dinner! Mrs.Wifey over at "Musings Of An Army Wife" is hosting this lovely giveaway and she is so sweet for doing so! If you haven't visited her blog yet, please do! She is awesome and just an all around nice lady. :) Tell her Miss Brittney sent you over, and since today is her birthday be sure to leave her a sweet comment wishing her a fabulous birthday. I'm also gonna be hosting one, maybe two giveaways coming up soon as I have been contacted by two different sources wanting me to host a giveaway for them! I'm excited and I'll let you all know the details once I get everything figured out! :) Happy Monday!

Feeling Better

Today is a new day and although it started off pretty rocky, I can honestly say I am feeling much better. I want to say a big thank you to everyone who commented on my last post and gave me advice. I was really wondering whether that was too personal to share with the blogging world or not, but I just had to get my feelings out somehow. Its so nice to know other wives have been through the same things. I greatly appreciated all your kind words as well as your advice on what to do, and I am proud to say that for the first time in a long time I stood up for myself today. My husband called me this morning and we agreed to log on skype a little later so we could talk. They were having a big party for the men and women (to celebrate the 4th) so he wasn't being too serious at first. I told him how I had been feeling lately and that it wasn't fair to me. Of course he reacted badly and was quick to get angry. My husband really is a giant softy but he is very emotional...and since its not exactly acceptable for men to show emotions other than anger, (at least in their minds) that's usually how he expresses his feelings. He kept trying to fight with me and argue that he does try. And maybe in his mind he does, but to me it just feels like he doesn't care or try at all. I explained to him that even if we only talk once a week or email a few times I would be happy with that, as long as he was actually being nice to me. I told him that when I wait all week for his phone call and then he is mean to me, that it breaks my heart. After arguing for a good 40 minutes I think he finally understood where I was coming from. I know he loves me, but to me I am a firm believer that love is an action word. Saying "I love you," and actually showing and meaning it are two completely different things. I believe with my whole heart that I have been a good wife and strong support system for my husband. Everyday I show my love for him by continuing to be here for him when he's down, praying for him, encouraging him and trying to point out the positive things in our life, and just simply by loving him even when he's not the easiest person to deal with. Our conversation got cut short once again because there was a horrible connection on his end, but by the end he had told me that he loves and misses me like crazy, and that he was sorry for being mean. He explained that he gets so used to the way the men on his ship talk to each other that sometimes he forgets his boundaries. Throw in the added pressures of everyday life on the ship and working 15 hour days and that makes for one grouchy man. Although I understand that, I told him he needs to figure out a way to compartmentalize that part of himself and reserve the "sweet husband" part especially for me! ;) So although I don't think its completely resolved, at the very least I know I spoke what was in my heart and I am so glad I did. I will continue trying my best to get through this chapter in our lives and be loving and understanding, but I am really hoping he will try harder as well. Now I am going to try and have a good day and count my blessings. Marriage isn't easy but like all things in life that are worth anything, it takes hard work and determination to succeed. I love my husband and I am determined to be a good wife to him and work on the problems we face together. I'm not giving up that easy! Thanks for reading and I hope you all have a wonderful Monday. :)

Bad dreams and sad days

Nobody likes bad dreams, thats something I know for, sure but when they seem so very real it makes things even worse. This morning I woke up startled and sad, and I couldn't help but let my bad dream get to me. In my dream my husband had just come home from his deployment and wanted nothing to do with me. He was stand offish, wouldn't hug or kiss me and was acting so strange. He only wanted to hang out with his fellow sailors, one of which was a girl and that really hurt me. Of course my heart was broken, and I was trying desperately to get him to show me some affection, but it just wasn't happening. Now I know what you're thinking, "It was only a dream," but I know things floating around in our subconscious often find their way into dreams because they are things that we actually think about. To be quite honest, I have been worried about how this deployment and training separations have affected us and sometimes I wonder if things will still be the same between us when he comes home. Lately I've even been wondering if he cares at all, because sometimes the way he treats me makes me feel like he could care less. 

 

Things have been really hard lately as far as communicating with my husband. We hardly talk on the phone (once, maybe twice a week  if I'm lucky) and he is pretty lazy when it comes to emailing me. Yes I know he works very hard and is exhausted all the time, but is sending an email really that exhausting? I personally don't think so. I get discouraged when I write to him everyday and I only get one response for every 5 emails I send. He seriously only writes me back about once or twice a week, which is frustrating for me when we have so much craziness going on with our upcoming move. There have been so many times when I desperately need to speak with him, and he doesn't answer my emails or call me for days. I know there are plenty of sailors, soldiers, airmen, and marines who are deployed and still write to their wives or significant others as often as they can, and in all the blogs I read everyone talks about how their husbands are "so sweet" and blah blah blah. So what in the world has happened to my husband??

 

Am I that unimportant or insignificant that he can't send me an email once a day, or even once every couple of days? Its not like he doesn't have easy access to the internet, because he does. And honestly, if he was that busy to where he couldn't I would understand, but he tells me that he goes to the gym and works out 5 days a week after work, (which isn't required pt btw) so if he has time for that, why doesn't he have time to send a damn email or make a phone call??? I just don't get it. I feel like I am always last on his list and when we do talk on the phone he is not nice to me at all. Most days he is rude, or pushy and always in a bad mood. I know he is miserable stuck where he is, but should I really be his human punching bag? The other day when we were on the phone, he yelled at me for not answering the first time he called. Granted it was 6 am and I was asleep, and once I heard the ringer go off I ran down the stairs to the phone, but he hung up before I could answer it. He was so mad that no excuse I could have offered would have helped. He then proceeded to be mean and rude to me our entire conversation. When I was explaining some details about the move he yelled at me and told me "God, you talk so much!" The "predeployment" me would have told him to go eff off and given him an earful for saying something so incredibly rude, but for some reason now I just can't bring myself to be mean or rude back to him, even when he says awful things like that to me. 

 

Then yesterday we were actually able to skype for a little while, but the connection was so horrible that it kept hanging up every few minutes. The last time that it hung up on him he didn't even try calling me back on skype, and he never called on the house phone to say goodbye and I was really bummed. I hate not being able to say Goodbye and I love you. I have a thing about this, and no matter how mad I am  always say it. He had told me that he would call me today around the same time, so I got up early and got showered and ready only to spend the next 4 hours waiting for a call that never came. I was so disappointed and hurt, mostly because I know today was his day off. :( I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am feeling very under appreciated and taken for granted. I am the one person who has stood by him no matter what since this whole journey with the Navy began, and sometimes I feel like he doesn't even care. I have loved him, encouraged him, prayed for him, been his constant cheer leader and best friend through it all, so why can't he reach out and love me and support me when I need it in return? All I want is to know that he loves and misses me as much as I love and miss him. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and wish he were home with me, and everyday I go to sleep alone knowing I will be doing this "by myself" thing for quite some time. I thought it would get easier, but after 9 months it really hasn't. 

 

Tonight while I was watching the fireworks show in my hometown, tears came to my eyes because to me this was just one more holiday we've missed out on spending together. Without my husband here by my side it just didn't feel the same. But what hurt more than that was knowing he didn't even bother to call me today like he said he was going to. Whats going to happen to us when he comes home? Will he still love me the way he did before he left, because right now it doesn't feel like he will. Right now it feels like he doesn't care at all. One thing I do know for sure is that I am ready for this nightmare to be over with.

Mil Spouse Friday Fill in #2

Today kicks off week 2 of "Wife of a Sailor's" milspouse meme questionnaire so here are my answers:

1. Tell us about your dream job… one that you could do regardless of pay.
My dream job would have to be a fashion buyer for a retail store or owning my own boutique, & if it was the later of the two I would sell vintage inspired fashions. After working retail for a few years, and managing a clothing store for 3 years, I can honestly say I am in love with fashion! Although I didn't dig the rude customers, working holidays & weekends, or working for possibly the worst company ever (in regards to how they operate, their procedures for running the stores, and most of all the way they abuse and could care less about the employees) however, I did love my job, and I was damn good at it! I loved the atmosphere, & I loved seeing what was new and beautiful everyday when shipments came in. Floorsets were my favorite time because we would re-arrange the entire store and create new wall themes and floor designs. Adding in displays with shoes, accessories, luggage, purses etc was one of my favorite parts and I was really good at doing new floorsets. I loved helping customers pick out outfits and seeing how happy they were when I helped them find something they adored. I also loved dressing the mannequins, it gave me a freedom to experiment and try out new looks, and I always loved the results! For me fashion is more than something I enjoy, its a passion. I would love nothing more than to be the person who chooses what items a store will carry. Although this is my "dream job" I also love being a wife and want to be a Mommy someday, so my "navy wife," lifestyle doesn't exactly mesh with that career. As a buyer I would be traveling a lot (depending on what company I worked for), and its a very fast paced life style. I would have a fabulous career and a job that I love, but the question always remains, "Would I be able to have a family and be able to be a good wife to my husband?" When it comes down to it that is more important to me than a fabulous career, I would rather be a fabulous wife and mother! 

2.What is your most prized material possession (kids and pets don’t count!)?
My number one prized possession would have to be my wedding ring, not only because its beautiful, but because it symbolizes the love my husband and I share. My other two most prized possessions would have to be a fiery opal necklace with diamonds around the edges, (that my husband gave me last year for my birthday) as well as a vintage glass powder container that my best friend "A" gave me for Christmas two years ago. Its absolutely gorgeous, and was given to me in the original 1960's Avon packaging! "A" knows how much I love anything vintage, so it was a very sentimental gift for me. It was originally owned by her grandmother's & it meant so much to me that she passed it along to me. She is such a sweetie.♥ Here is a photo of it, I use it as a jewelry box.

3. What has been your favorite duty station and why?
I can't exactly answer this question since we haven't lived together near any duty station yet. We have spent the last year with my hubby going through training and now his first deployment, so we have yet to have a full on experience with a permanent duty station. I am however moving to Virginia in 3 weeks exactly, so hopefully I'll like it out there. :)

4. What is your least favorite household chore?
For me I would say cleaning our bathrooms and showers are the chores that make me cringe! Having a man around the house means more dirt than you could imagine, so when hubby is home this is not fun! Other than that I don't really mind any other chores, I like the end result after I've been on a cleaning rampage. 

5. If you could give one piece of advice to a teenager today (not specifically a MilTeen), what would it be?
My advice would be, "Be who you want to be, and always strive to be the best version of yourself." Don't base who you are as an individual off someones else's expectations, live you're life for yourself! Also I would tell them to never forget the importance of family, because in the end they are the "friends" that will always be around to help you and love you no matter what. 

What are your answers! Go to "Wife of a Sailor" to add your entry to her linky! 
 

Flashback Friday

 This picture brings back memories for me, but they are mostly bittersweet. My husband was home from a-school on Christmas leave, and this photo was taken the night he had to return to Mississippi. We were fortunate enough to have 10 wonderful days together before he had to go back and finish his classes. I can truly say that the only thing I wanted for Christmas last year, was to have my husband home for the holidays and luckily my Christmas wish came true. :)  The only thing that broke my heart was the fact that he had to leave again on New Years Eve, so we didn't get to spend it together or share a kiss to ring in the new year. Although that sucked beyond belief, I was so thankful that he was able to come home at all. Happy Friday everyone!♥

Could She be any sweeter???

Mrs. Gambizzle, that is! If you haven't already checked out her blog "Life as a Sailor's Girl" you're missing out, and you need to get your butt over there asap! :) Not only does she host awesome giveaways but she really is a genuinely nice person. :)

I really enjoy reading her blog and now she is hosting another fabulous giveaway called "Gambizzle Jewels". She is giving away some super cute jewelry that she makes herself! Not only is she talented in the blog design department, but apparently she makes jewelry as well! This girl does it all, and I must say she does it pretty fabulously!! So head on over and check her out, and if you wish, enter her giveaway as well. Be sure to tell her in a comment that Miss Brittney sent you over, and I would greatly appreciate it! :) I would also like to say a huge Thank You to Mrs. Gambizzle for choosing me as one of three Lucky winners to receive a custom designed blog banner for my page. I am so excited to see what she comes up with for me and am soooo happy that I finally won something in a giveaway! So Thank You, Thank You, Thank You and I can't wait to see how it turns out! I hope you're all having a terrific Thursday!♥

My Lovely Thursday Five

Its Thursday everybody, and that means were only one day away from the Holiday weekend, and its time for My Thursday 5 with MannLand5!! Wanna play? Just list 5 things this week that have made you:

Happy

Giddy

Joyful

Excited

Appreciative

 Heres My Five:

 

1. I am so happy that another month of this deployment is over! Hallelujah! That means I am all the more closer to seeing my hubby again soon!
2. I am absolutely giddy that there are only 3 weeks left until I move to Virginia Beach! I am so ready to move on and start the next chapter in my life, even though I am terrified of starting over somewhere new! 
3. I am so joyful that I have been able to spend the past few days with my sisters and nieces at my Mom's house. This will probably be one of the last times we're able to all hang out this much before I leave. :)
4. I am so freakin' excited that this weekend is 4th of July!!!!! Its one of my favorite holidays and I can't wait to have a fun weekend filled with cook outs, fireworks and some yummy desserts! Not to mention this gives me an excuse to wear red, white, and blue! I love all those colors!♥  
5. I am so appreciative that I won a custom designed header from the always fabulous Mrs. Gambizzle over at Life as a Sailor's Girl! She is so sweet and although I didn't win the custom blog design giveaway, she was nice enough to choose three winners who will receive a custom header!!! I was one of the Lucky 3!!! How awesome is that?!?

What tops your list this week? Lets face it, there is so much to be thankful for! :)