Dark Waltz

I haven't linked up for "What's your song," in a long time so I thought I'd share this one. Lately I've been having a hard time sleeping so I was looking for some soothing music to help me relax. I really love Enya and after listening to some new artists on Pandora I came across this song. 

Her name is Hayley Westenra and she's from New Zealand. In short she is AMAZING! Her voice is so beautiful to me it sounds like an angel. It's just so....effortless. ♥ I hope you enjoy! And don't forget to go link up with Goodnight Moon. Happy Thursday loves. ♥

Homecoming Happenings

As my husband's homecoming gets closer and closer it's the little things that have finally made it start to feel real for me. Last night I finished the amazing homecoming sign I made for him, (with the help of the always lovely Brittany, my bloggy & real life friend & her AWESOME cricut) and I am so proud of how it turned out. I hope he loves it and it makes him smile. :) I would post a photo but my dear husband actually reads my blog so I'll have to keep you in suspense until the official homecoming post, sorry to be a tease! ;)

I also got an email last night from our FRG about the end of deployment party and I am so excited. This deployment has seriously felt NEVER-ENDING and so the fact that it is finally almost over is a little hard for my brain to process. I attended a homecoming readiness and reintegration meeting through the fleet and family center and it was actually really great to talk about the feelings this event brings out in all of us wives waiting eagerly for our husbands' returns. The excitements, fears, worries, things we plan to do etc. 

We actually wrote them all out on some posters and the women from fleet & family took them to the ships and had the same meeting with the sailors on board my husbands ship. I got to send along with them a card to be hand delivered and I loved hearing from my husband how much he loved it. Today they had the meeting and he said it was actually helpful and made him feel like it was finally real as well. He also informed me of a few sweet things he has planned for me the day after he gets home. ♥ 

 Although my husband is far from perfect, (as am I) he is the one person on this planet that really gets me. He knows me inside & out and I am always amazed at how hard he tries to show me his love. Sure we've had more than our fair share of disagreements over the last 11 months but any couple who says they "never fought" during deployment or that they have a "perfect marriage" is full of crap. (Excuse my french).

Marriage is hard. You have  to consistently try to be a kind and loving spouse, to make time for one another, to make each other feel loved & valued and all that is hard enough without throwing the military & never-ending deployments into it. The navy has thrown a wrench in our marriage several times and there were a few I'll admit I wasn't sure we'd make it through, but somehow we have.

Were there times we both wanted to call it quits? Sure. Giving up is always easier than trying. But I am so proud of us both because neither one of us did. I love my husband 100 times more today than I did two years ago when we said "I do." We've been through hell and back but it's all part of our journey. The love we share isn't perfect, but it is real. And for me that is more than enough. ♥

Almost There

I can't believe it. In a few short weeks we will have survived deployment number 2. This has been an extremely long one and my husband's ship has made history for being on the longest naval deployment since WWII. As crazy and hard as it has been I am thankful for this journey. I've learned so much about myself over the past year and more than ever I have faith in the Lord and my marriage.

I hate to admit it but I'll be completely honest in saying there was a big part of me that felt like we wouldn't make it through this deployment. I am still amazed that we did. I truly believe God used our circumstances to stretch us out of our comfort zones, test our limits and make us reach out for him. I know there's no way I'd have survived the last year without his love and the love and support of my amazing family and friends I have made here in Virginia. For all of these things I am incredibly grateful. 

Now that we are nearing the end, I ask for prayers to give me the strength to get through the last leg of this deployment and to help my husband and I have a smooth readjustment period. I am really nervous about him coming home and us being "married" again. I have lived completely alone the last year and know that sharing my space and just getting used to each other again is going to be difficult at times. Thank you and the prayers will be much appreciated. :) 

And last but not least I'm sorry for being a ghost over the last year. Blogging used to be my outlet but I found that the only way I could get through this never-ending deployment was not to dwell on how depressed or lonely I was, but just to live my life. Even if that meant not writing out every detail of it. Anyway, if anyone still even reads this, Thank you. ♥

Goodbye

There is so much meaning behind those words. Leaving something in the past and moving ahead towards your future, bright and uncertain. The New Year always brings about a sense of nostalgia for the year that has passed, remembering your tragedies & triumphs as you hope for a better year to come. This year you can bet I was happy, no ecstatic even, to kiss 2011 goodbye & welcome 2012 with open arms.

Over the last year I have learned a lot about myself & life, but mostly I've learned that you can't control everything. You can try, but you will always fail. One person can change your life in the most inexplicable ways & it's really all up to fate. I guess what I'm trying to say is that 2011 was a tough year. The toughest year of my life so far, but I'm sure there will be more exhausting days to come & more tears than I'd like to cry.

But if I have learned one thing from 2011 it would have to be resilience. To pick myself up again & again after falling flat on my face. When my husband deployed in March I thought there was no way we could possibly make it through another whole year apart after we just got reacquainted. We had our share of fights, ups & downs & there were times when I think we both felt like giving up, but neither of us did.

There is no way I WILL EVER forget 2011, because it was the year I grew up. The year I officially became an adult & took care of myself. When most people went home for this deployment I stuck it out here by myself. I had some amazing friends of course, and my loving family back home but the one person I really wanted couldn't be here...And being here without him was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever experienced.

I am so thankful to God for making me get out of bed everyday & keep going. To find the strength to get up & go to a job everyday that I hate, because as my husband says, "Everyone has to pay their dues." For keeping me sane, (ok, most of the time) & for reminding me to just breath. To take things one day at a time. To Forgive, to love & to let go of the things I simply can't change. If I didn't have my heavenly father watching out for me, guiding me through these trials, there is no way I'd still be standing. He loves me even though I'll never deserve it, & makes me want to be a better person.

With all that being said, I bid farewell to 2011 and hope that 2012 is a year of happiness, love and peace for myself & all the ones I love. You only live once, so remember not to waste a second of it. ♥